Hey y’all, Hey!
Today we will be headed into heretofore unchartered territory here at Myalogy: TV RECAPS. I know….earthshattering.
First up is the show that real tv connoisseurs were excited about prior to its premiere and the one the rest of y’all started watching at the end of season one after Taraji and Lightskin Lunatic got y’all amped then went on summer vacation, at which point you binge watched the season, then walked into every black gathering everywhere armed with the question: Y’ALL WATCH POWER? Followed with the inevitable: ITS WAY BETTER THAN EMPIRE!!!! As if….
Here we are 4 eps into the season and I have thoughts in no particular order.
1. Why is Ghost so fucking dumb with this Andre thing?
Ghost can be an incredible dude. We’ve seen him get out of some tight jams up until this point. He is so smart, sometimes I don’t even know what he is doing (anyone know why kantos was fired? make it go down in my dm then). The way he outsmarted Stern and attempted to get rid of his network was brilliant. Leaving someone that tried to kill you alive, wasnt the smartest thing, but hey…..my dating history speaks to the fact that bad choices happen to smart people….ahem. But this Dre thing? Why is he trying to wife a hoodrat? He raised his last protege from a pup and Sean still turned on him. What makes him think Dre, who worked for Kanan is gonna be any different? Nword keeps telling you and showing you he bout dat life, which you keep trying to talk him out of. Fuck dre…let him hang out in the bbq spot……who you need to be trying to cuff is…….
2. HOLLY, THE BEAST.
This is who Ghost should want on the team. She is one of the few people on this show that unapologetically makes moves in her best interest. I want those earrings, I’m taking them. Mr. St. Patrick? HA, Fuck you! You Ghost to me, fool. She is seemingly the only person in her house that knows that Lobos intends to kill her and her manse, and she’s like “FUCK DAT. He dont wanna kill his boy so we can live? Like the dog aint already dead? Cool. “Bae, im running to the store for some milk and cookies, BRB” Mama headed right on down to the Jamaicans, put the money on the table, took out a pic of Ghost and said “Finish HIM.” I aint mad……
3. Y’all think y’all want a Michelle, but y’all really want a Candie.
Hey Girlfrands! Any of yall riding for your manse the way Candie rides for Jukebox? I know I ain’t. She be frying shit in booty shorts risking grease burns. Drugging fools. Fucking fools. Nursing fools. Healing the hands of fools. And letting fools get her off without vomiting….all while having Asperger’s Syndrome. (I know Im not the only one that thinks she is a highly functioning mentally handicapped person. I just know it. Something is very off about her. ) She will do all of that, while still staying firmly #teamjukebox And some of y’alls chicks were actively planning to leave y’all for Mr. Steal Your Grandma.
4. Jamesgela is so soul crushing now.
Boring sex. Them both saying “I had good intentions” regarding her going to see Tasha/Him paying her rent – the height of passive aggressiveness, which can be the death knell of a relationship. Boring family dinners. Monotone voices. “Remember when” conversations, which Tony Sopranro smartly said are the lowest form of coversation. Her own admission that they weren’t gonna make it. Him non-convincingly reassuring her that they would. Ugh….please. Him calling Tash HIS WIFE in an argument- HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. They are a prime example of the saying “cheating ain’t no fun, when you ain’t got nobody to cheat on.” He will be back between Tash’s legs before this season is over. Bet dat.
5. I’m surprised I can see after all this horrid sex.
COURTNEY KEMP. Ms. Kemp. Courtney. Court – Im a Court too, so I feel I can call you that. I dont ever wanna see 50’s dick again. Not a shadow of it. Not its imprint. Not just the tip. Not nothing. Dont do that. Ever. Dishonorable mention: Holly and Tommy….the only time Tommy seems to know he is in danger is when he’s inside Holly. That was some seriously depressing sex. That coke fueled threesome Tommy had when Holly left him that time, MORE OF THAT.
- HE just entered the room as Holly and Tommy are fucking and exclaims: SHE IS SO FUCKIN UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #baeissmart
- What made Angie go to that womans house?
- “You gonna be doing for Ghost the rest of your life.” – HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, snaps for the Kid!
- I hate Greg and I wanna punch his douchey ass face, but he’s right to wanna destroy them.
- OINTB lady!
- 50cent looks so handsome….with that mask covering his face
- RIP lil black boy…even Stevie Wonder saw that coming
- Shouts out to Jukebox saying the white boys did it!
- Jamie got a snapchizzle yall! #followhim
- Keisha, last season you creamed all over yourself when Tasha told the story bout how she hid a gun for Jamie when they first started dating..now you scared of guns? Park it, Thotyanna.
- Ghost aint never got time to have the right conversation
- Crooked Priest, God only cares about one commandment, but you never said what it was. How me and Tommy gonna get into heaven now?
- Ghost is a magical negro. He can show up and take out two assassins with two shots, run back to the club, change into a suit, pop some Effen and never break a sweat. Jesse did say black people were magic.
- Joakim Noah done took up actin yall!
SEE YA NEXT WEEK.