Month: June 2016

Powerful Niggatry

Powerful Niggatry

We all saw him.  His gloriously handsome face, spewing forth sentiments not usually seen on primetime television, and certainly not on a station that has been so destructive to the same people  to whom he was  so powerfully speaking. I dont mean to overstate the 

Colonics:  A Girlfriend’s Revenge

Colonics: A Girlfriend’s Revenge

Editor’s note:  What follows is exactly true.  And that I managed to survive and tell this tale is nothing short of a miracle. Relationships are hard.  Anyone that has survived one or failed at one will tell you that.  I can attest to that, having 

This is an Ape’s World

This is an Ape’s World

Myalogists — I come to you half heartedly.  I wanted to write something, but Im just too damn verklempt.  It was actually hard for me to get out of bed this morning, not because I’m eighty years old and stayed out at the Foreign Exchange concert until damn near 1 ante meridian, but because Im just so dang sad.  A dumb ass kid, one with no conceivable future, one who couldnt possibly have grown up to become anything, due to his worthless ass mama and convict daddy – a dumb ass kid caused one of life’s most magnificent gifts, since Prince, to lose his mundane life in a prison, which is where this dumb ass kid will likely end up.  This is the biggest loss since Cecil the Lion and that pig you ate on Memorial Day.  Future RIP to the big you are gonna eat on July 4.  Anyway….stupid kid, with his lightening fast feet and un-adult brain, unable to process danger and complex thought.  Ugh.  Dumb dummy dumb kid.  I wanna write about it, but again…too sad.  Big sad.  Not lil sad.  Imma let Tone take this one on…..

Tone, please tell me you got this….

James Evans died on Good Times. Rickey got killed on Boyz N The Hood. Now Harambe gets killed at the zoo. How much sadness can one brother take? Harambe had such a bright future ahead of him. He had just signed his housing papers for the dorms at Howard. He and his GF were prom King and Queen. Things had never been better. In fact things were so good for Harambe…. Wait, what was that? Harambe was a gorilla? So he wasn’t visiting the zoo, he actually lived there? Oh I get it now. I was kind of confused because judging from the fake outrage and indignation over his assassination (if Tupac and Biggie were assassinated then so was Harambe) then surely this must have been a human whose life was viciously snatched. But this was a gorilla. Whew. Ok I can save some of my fake caring for the next media generated crisis. Man Please.

Let me start by saying, I get it. People needed something to be upset about. We are required by the Constitution of the United States to be morally outraged by something every 45 days.  So when this lovable gorilla named Harambe was tossing a child around like a rag doll and banging the child’s head on rocks,  who are we supposed to be upset with? That’s right, you guessed it, the parents. Because no child ever has ran off in a split second and gotten themselves in some trouble. Absolutely not. These are terrible parents and the media was 100% correct in bringing up the fathers criminal past. Because surely Harambe was a Department of Children and Family Services case worker and decided to take the child from them because the father got locked up before. In fact why didn’t the zoo workers shoot the dad instead of Harambe? That would have been justice. Now Harambe will never graduate from college, or drive a car, or walk his daughter down the aisle. Oh wait I forgot again, Harambe is a gorilla who lived in a zoo.

I personally think zoos are cruel for animals like Harambe. He is, well, was (RIH bro, gone too soon) too big to be in captivity like that. However I don’t understand at all how people are calling for these parents to be charged or held liable financially for Harambes death. I know all life is supposed to be sacred but isn’t the general rule that when we have to choose between an animal life and a human one, we go ahead and ride with the human? Unless that changed overnight and Cesar and crew from Planet of the Apes took over this weekend. Where is this outcry when people are being gunned down purchasing coffee from Starbucks in Chicago?  So far by my tally Black people’s lives are worth less than dogs, cats, dolphins and now gorillas. How about we all just chalk this up a tragedy that was averted because at last check Harambe was a MALE gorilla, who are naturally aggressive and very strong and could have killed that child. I’m sure that everyone who is FAKE BIG MAD would most certainly expect that if it were THEIR child that fell in the pit, that the zoo officials would take the SAME actions to ensure their child was safe. As a matter of fact if you don’t expect that then we should investigate YOU for neglect instead of these parents. I’m sure the zoo will find another Gorilla to replace Harambe (yes I know he was endangered but so are black people) so we can go ooh and ooh at him.

Well that’s all for now. I will see you all in 43 days when its time to be mad about something else dumb.

#BlackLivesMatterSometimesButNotMoreThanGorillasApparently  #GoneButNotForgotten   #TheGoodDieYoung   #TheZooWontBeTheSame