Tamar Braxton is a bonnet on the head of your cousin on your daddy’s side at your high school graduation.
Tamar Braxton is your friend that tags you in world star videos of black people fighting.
Tamar Braxton is your date that uses two forks to try and pull his steak apart. (true story)
Tamar Braxton is your black co-worker that uses the wrong word/verb tense/pronunciation in the staff meeting.
Tamar Braxton is that folded up plate full of spaghetti you sneak in the trash at your mother in laws 50th birthday party – you know, the one with sugar in it.
I’m sure I lost some of you readers by now. Some of y’all really, inexplicably, like her and some of y’all really, inexplicably, think sugar in spaghetti is a great idea. But, I trade in my truth here at Myalogy and last weekend was the one of those moments that touch you so deep in your soul, one of those moments where the world validates your hate. I’d felt this way, one time before….when Jerry “Organizations Win Championships” Krause left the Chicago Bulls. I remember it vividly. I was driving down 101st and Parnell when it came on the radio. I legit pulled over and started honking my horn like they had just won yet another ‘ship. This time, I was laying down when I got the news from B.Scott. – “Tamar Braxton has been Fired from The Real!” Now, the first thing *I* do when I see news like this, is find another source. Maybe it’s the journalist in me. Maybe it’s me not wanting to be like 75% of folks on the internet – posting shit as fact from tmznews.biz, never once stopping to consider that maybe, MAYBE, it’s inconceivable that Michael Jackson was resurrected with DNA from all his old cryogenically preserved facial features, or the fact tmznews.biz isn’t tmz.com. A small distinction in urls, but an IMPORTANT, ESSENTIAL, one nonetheless. Looked around to some other sites and found concrete evidence that her time on The Real was over.
I like The Real, or should I say I developed a taste for it. Part of my real life employment is watching, or keeping an eye on, a television. As a result, I watch The Real everyday. Although an obvious The View knock off, I think it’s really well produced and speaks to an audience The View, The Chew, The Whatsup, The Talk, The Chat, The Low Down, doesn’t speak to, and I can appreciate that. Tamar was always the worst part of the experience to me. She is everything I despise about a black woman – the missing edges, the loudness, the drag queenDIDness, the loudness, the lip smackin, that annoying tongue click off the roof of her mouth when she is about to begin speaking, the loudness, the eyerolls, the bug eyes, the shuck, the loudness, the jive. I’m truly surprised she never showed up in a bonnet. Truly.
I know people like this exist out in the world. I do. I get it. Not everyone can go to one of the best high schools in the country – Hey Dolphins. Not everyone can go to a white school or tier 1 HBCU, with lobster picnics for incoming freshman – I see you Hampton. Not everyone has an educator for a mother – WHADDUP Teresa McCray Seals? Some folks see themselves in Tamar, or their mother, or their fave aunt, or their fave cashier at Harold’s Chicken and that’s fine. It takes all types to make the world go round. But I have no desire to see them everyday on my god damn television, just like I didn’t want to see Elizabitch on The View…I think white folks should have been just as disgusted by her as I am by Tamar.
My friend said I was bogus for cheering for someone losing their job, but lets be clear; 1. that is true sometimes, and 2. Tamar is a bitch, one who ain’t gonna miss no meals. Do you know how much money she stockpiles by not paying bills? She’s mean, petty and venegeful — her social media accounts speak to that fact. Upon her firing, she took to social media to throw shade at unnamed targets then unfollowed the social media accounts of certain co-hosts knowing the webosphere lives for that type of fuckery. Vengeful, like I said. Tamartians started (BARF) launching attacks all over Loni, Adrienne, and Jeannie. She got poor Loni making “It Wasnt Me, Please Call Me, I Was Taking A Nap When You Called” confessional videos. TIP: No one looks good when shot from below, Loni – especially wearing a multi-colored braid wig. What seems to be the fact of the matter, is that she was difficult and obstinate on set and advertisers didn’t find her likable. They found her so unlikeable in fact, that they did not want her in segment featuring their products. Strong Black Women™, y’all can write all the think pieces you want about black women being “difficult” and what that means in white spaces or shared intersections or whatever the fuck, but imma tell you one thing. Cash Rules. At the end of the day, nothing matters but the money. Sales are THE ONLY thing that matter when it comes to television, radio, blogs, anything media related. If advertisers weren’t buying what she was selling, she had to go.
Let me put it a way, tamarbraxtonher.com and her fans can understand. The advertisers told her:
*tongue click* LIES! YOU AINT FINNA MESS UP OUR COIN, HUNTY! HAVE SEVERAL SEATS!