Inmatesanity: Stories of Love and Lockup

Im adding a new couple, cuz they kicked it up a notch. I be on too much issa rae and rooting for everyone black, when I should be rooting for everyone ratchet. COME WITH ME!

MONIQUE and DEREK

Let me gone and say this…I dont like how the producers be playing in this lady face. All the shots of her gut and seat belt extender were extra as fuck and we dont need it and it aint warranted. We know she is a larger lady. We get it. No need to throw it in our faces the entire rip. Thanks for attending my MyaShitTalk™. Anyhoo, after this woman spends entire episodes talkin major shit to his sisters and about his sisters, she spends almost the entire show crying during a mid-speed chase that she is so scared, she wants to call the police, she bout to pull over…and here come the convenient tears. Im pretty sure this was a production ruse, cuz how she hear someone say “hey derek” or whatever and she aint immediately go off? Girl bye. They eventually make it back to safety of their hotel, where they discuss switching hotels and rental cars that no one knows she’s staying at nor driving. again, bye girl. Derek seems to be okay with everything cuz he knows who was in the car production sent to raise the stakes on this bullshit. He asks Monique to download Uber to his phone so he can hit the streets on his own and while she is initially resistant and five seconds from dry crying, she complies…..derek is in dese skreets and headed to someone who he greets with a “hey baby” – okkkkkkk
MIKE AND JUSTINE

My champ is going thru a hard time. His children and family are headed back to Rhode Island and he is on probation, i believe they said 20 years and so seeing them as often as he would like is going to prove challenging. Sidenote: does anyone else take note of how Juju emotes when she speaks to other people or in her confessionals? Its like she’s trying to seduce you with her eyes and neck, like headfucking you…its something. Anyway, Juju has a conversation with his mom and sisters and it seems like everything will be okay….at least for now. If not, hey, at least they have their matching outfits.

ARIS AND CAMERON

the delusion continues…..she thinks this naker aint gonna drink in a studio session. lol, girl have you ever been in a studio? an old friend was a rapper during my early 20s and the amount of time we spent in that damn studio watching men get drunk and high – we should be criminally charged for wasting our youth. Anyway…they are in route to the studio when she warns him she dont wanna see one bottle of patron and when she gets there, she doesnt….she sees 50 bottles of patron. She’s clearly disgusted but not too disgusted to go suit shopping for him to wear to their midnight wedding – TOMORROW. Another side note: why are all these people so pressed to get married so quickly?! These people cant even leave the state and you wanna be legally connected to them? OKAY GWORLS. Anyhoo…they also meet Derek’s sisters at the suit shop and can I just say, I LOVE HIS SISTERS. So fun, so funny, non judgemental….they recognize game, but have nothing to say bout it, cuz they love their brother and shit, if someone wants to marry his crazy ass, let them.

GABBY AND CHRIS

So the couple that should have been pulled from this show due to his nefarious attack on her, is still here. Wasting our time. Like Mike and Derek this week, its time for Chris to check in with his P.O. So Jar Jar Binks walks out the apartment he shares with Gabby and HIS car she said was in the shop, is now conveniently parked right outside their place. He rightfully calls Gabby down to explain, cuz damn his appointment with his parole officer. She comes down and does the gabby two step, deflect & blame, then scream before she announces her secret….she aint got no license and her bhad bharbie ass put her hands on an off duty cop and she’s facing felony charges. Chris understands and wonders why she aint share with him. She goes to see her lawyer and discusses all her bullshit with him, before inquiring about divorces that she will never need cuz she got married in an alley, which im sure aint legally binding, not because of the location, but do we really think anyone in this couple filed some paperwork?

NATHAN AND SKYLAR

So, this is one of the couple’s I’d initally omitted. One because I saw a scene that gave me the heebie jeebies cuz a room was full of all his meemaws old shit and it was straight out of Hoarders. But this week, they went on their first official date…and what did ol Skylar do to her man that she admitted was jealous? She took a facetime call at the dinner table….from a man. Nathan was triggered but he, skylar and her gentleman caller all played it wrong. Nathan threw a temper tantrum – WRONG, snatched her phone – WRONG, hung up on old boy -WRONG, who kept calling back – WRONG, calls that Nathan kept answering – WRONG. Nathan eventually got sick of it all and stomped off demanding that Skylar join him – WRONG, which she refused – THE ONLY RIGHT ACTION. So she stayed behind and he does what most psychopaths do when they exit stage left – they start blowing ya phone up. She answers right in time for some “stranger” to come over and offer a shot, which makes Nathan bust a righteous ‘u-eee’ right back to the scene of the crime so he knows that skylar knows that he aint a bitch…sorry nathan, thou doth protestest too much or whatever shakespeare said.

what yall think?

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