You Wanted Myalogy….well here it is.

 

For Jonathan, my dreamweaver

 

I can’t definitively say that I know what this blog is gonna be about at any particular time.  Perhaps if I had started it at any point in the past that I was supposed to, it could have been about any number of things….Kelz pissin on lil girls….Mike passing away…..The Wire Finale……Cutler going down and taking the Bears 2011 season with him, Jesus’ crucifixtion, but I’m lazy and may even admit to being a bit trifling.  So here it is…on a day when I am happy that my brother has survived another evening , while Jesse Jr is not likely to survive the rest of his term, in the murderous Chi, with my first MYALOGY post.  God help us All.

So what do I want to rant and rave about today.  Laz Parking?  No.  I have plenty of time to do that and will likely do it often.  How men are pissing me off?  HELLS TO THE NO.  I offer this disclaimer….I wont be discussing men here….or at least I will try not to.  It seems as if anytime more than 3 black women get together, male/female relationships OVERTAKE the conversation.  Frankly that shit bores me….its always my cue to exit stage left.  There is no overriding solution to the plague we are suffering through.

No dialogue, no book, no movie produced by a formerly wig wearing man that will solve this issue. It will be solved mano-a–mano by two people in their own particular situation. So while I will continue to use my personal facebook to vent about my own relationships from time to rare time, you wont see it here.  There will be no “Twelve Signs Your Man/Woman Aint Shit” or “How to Please Your Man” or “Why You’re Still Single”.   If that is what you seek, seek elsewhere…cuz alot of us aint shit and aint never gonna be shit, some men just can’t be pleased and number of us will either die single or never have the strength to be single.  Save yourselves, cuz Myalogy can’t do it.

With all that nastiness out the way, and since nothing is particularly crawling up my ass today, I will just touch on topics that have been pissing me off OVERALL, in no particular order.

1.  Laz Parking….for obvious reasons.  Damn, just said I wasn’t gonna talk about them and then I did. D’oh. Fuck Laz Parking, as a staff, record label and muthafuckin crime organization.

 

2.  Dude winning a championship. Yep, cuz I’m A CLASS ONE GRADE A HATER.  (NO PICTURES WILL BE SHOWN CAPTURING THIS MOST AWFUL DEVELOPMENT)

 

3.  The fact that I watch obviously less talented people do things Ive always wanted to do.  Nah, scratch that, they inspire me.

4.  The sex scenes on True Blood have all but disappeared.  Jay told yall bout changing the game in the ninth inning.

How does this: 

become this:    NO THANK YOU.

 

5.  My mortal enemy, the previously mentioned “formerly wig wearing man”, is getting his own daytime talkshow.  Thereby affording me not one, not two, but three opportunities to experience him trying to enunciate through those big doggy teeth of his.  YAY ME!

 

6.  Any and most things on VH1.  Shit all started with Flava Flav and we been paying for it ever since.  Thanks Surreal Life….thanks alot.

 

7.  Any and most things on BET.  Did you really have to do that to The Game?  Do you really have to show Lets Stay Together?  Do you really not have a topical news show?  Will you ever play a full promo for your own programs?  *Now that I’ve worked in television sales, I know all about what you are doing….you should be ashamed.

8.  That     and   are no longer here and they didn’t leave behind a huge body of work and I miss them terribly – EVERYDAY.

 

9.  Grown people thinking I am gonna have an hour long text conversation with them.  I AM NOT BOUT THAT LIFE (I know, I know, she’s on VH1, but, sorry the shit she says is catchy and she has brought fedora’s to the hood, sue me).  Tell me ur on the way, don’t ask me what ever happened between us via text…..and dont even DREAM about apologizing via text.

10.  The Supreme Court.  No matter who installed you, The Constitution should lead you.  Thats it…that’s all.

11.  People still being mad about the President’s high melanin count.  While Republicans are busy going about the business of making sure that he is a one-termer, we are all dying….slowly.  I would like to say that I will write about this later at length, but its been written about ad nauseum.  But then again, I will have four more years to write about it.  #TEAMBARACKO

     He’s saying HI HATER.

 

12.  That I have no idea why I should be following you on Instagram.  Im still using a Blackberry. I barely know what Instagram is.

13.  That so few people seem to have a good idea about how to take a self portrait with a cell phone.  As stated in pissed off #12, I have a blackberry and I never come out looking like Joe Camel. No offense…you just look stupid, in ya ball gown  hair done, nails done, everything did (or is it big?  I can’t ever truly tell)…..in ya bathroom, holding up a phone to the mirror, whilst making the Zoolander puckerface (SHOUTS OUT TO YOU).

NO MAAM.   NO AND NO MA’AM. 

YES PLEASE!   YES PLEASE AGAIN! 

(Shameless, I know)

 

14.  That some people put the vulcan death grip on when shaking your hand.  YOU ARE OVERCOMPENSATING, and it reveals your insecurity. If you feel my fingers bunching up in your hands, you are doing too much.

 

15.  Overly religious people.   I like people of faith, not religious people.

 

16.  The fact that the 30s have robbed me of my ability to eat and drink whatever I want. I should have stock in Immodium, or at the very least have a spokesperson contract with them.

  ME, 10pm on the night of my 3xth  birthday.

 

17.  That niggas are lumped in with Black People.

                DOES NOT EQUAL          

 

18.  That bullying is so prevalent in our society, and that some of our children would rather die, than live under that brutality.  *when I was younger, I could be was a true BEEEEEYATCH, and I’m certain that some people that are reading this at this moment, could have taken a shit on my face back in the day, but I have NEVER and WILL NEVER be a bully.  I stay #teamunderdog

 

19.  That the more aware I am that I have been blessed into the best family in the world, the less time I have with them.  Youth is truly wasted on the young.

 

20.  The fact that I got started doing this so late and I am having problems fully realizing the scope of my dreams and how close I am to attaining them.

 

So kiddies, thanks for ya time.  The next post will have focus and direction, I guess.  Hope springs eternal…..

M.