You Aint Black As Me

Some of the pro-black crowd are the nastiest, most vile, demeaning people I have encountered on The Good Book.  And I say that having electronically lived through Trayvon, Mike Brown, Eric  Garner, Ray Rice, JRW and fucking Afroman.

Note:  if you are unable to understand descriptive or qualifying words, such as the FIRST word in the post, stop reading now, cuz you’re gonna get pissed cuz you think I’m talking about you.  In the event you do think that, it’s because I am.  

Yesterday was one of those days that separates the men from the boys, the mouth breathers from the Mensa society, left from right, sisters and brother, creationists and the science community, Biggies and ‘Pac-ers:  St. Patrick’s Day.  Yes, a day no one really gives a fuck about, lead to me and several other participants being called: stupid, lost, pathetic, pitiable, uncultured, unaware and a whole lot of other un-words.  Yep, because some folks wore Green, had a drink with Seamus O’Brien, marched in a parade, dared to cite their Irish ancestry, we ain’t black as those that didn’t participate.  A bitc—misguided young lady even had the nerve to suggest I had Stockholm Syndrome.  EL OH TO THE MUTHAFUCKING EL.

Me?  Stupid?  An accusation made by a stranger no less?  Mya?  Mya Seals?  Mya Courtney Seals?  Mya – who was educated in some the best MAJORITY BLACK (Beasley, Whitney Young – look it up) schools in Chicago; Who knew the names and products of over 50 black inventors by the age of 9; whose Mother made sure her education didn’t stop in the classroom and taught me about the ancient civilizations of Africa before I knew algebra; who attended not one, but TWO HBCUs…yeah, I could go on, but I’m not cuz I don’t have to defend nor prove who I am, nor what I know.   So good, we clear on the fact that I ain’t stupid.  Amirite?

What I am tho, is tired.  Me participating in the St. Patrick’s Day parade doesn’t make me any less black than your dreadlocks make you down with the cause.  From where I’m standing, if you were SO about your people you would turn these moments – Patty’s Day, Cinco de Mayo (which I’m celebrating the FUCK out of, so get ya meme game tight), et. al, into building moments.  But, nope…….because you are so nasty and vile, you choose to name call and take yet another opportunity to draw a black ass line in the black ass sand.  To explain to me why I ain’t black as you.  Why my black ain’t good enough.  Why?

“If you wore green today, but don’t ever wear red black and green  – KILL YO SELF!” – What if I wore green on Sunday, am I still black and do I still have to kill myself?

“If you celebrated St. Patrick’s Day, but didn’t celebrate Black History Month – KILL YO SELF!” –  Okay, but I did Black History posts every day during February (well I started off doing them),  I went to church First Sunday – my very Unashamedly Black and Unapologetically Christian church for the special service, so do I still have to kill myself?

“I don’t see any other culture celebrating King Day,  so if you celebrating theirs – KILL YO SELF!”  Well which is it, are we partying on King Day or not?  Cuz, I’m ALWAYS down to get drunk and party.  You look down with great disdain when them MLK party flyers hit the scene, but how else will the masses know that it’s muthafuckin party time!!!! Also, please advise, I worked on King Day.  Does that make me blacker in your eyes, cuz I didnt celebrate the day “The Man” gave to us after ordering the murder of our beloved leader or loyal to my massa and do I still have to kill myself?

Sigh…..

And it doesn’t stop at the holidays.

Last week I saw a post that hung Kendrick “I Want A Darker Girl In The Video” Lamar in effigy, cuz he was on the cover of Rolling Stone with a girl that looked like me, or at least her hands and belly were the same color as mine, cuz that’s all you could see of her.   This is a problem, cuz I and this cover model ain’t blackity black black black.  Sorry Kendrick, you ain’t black enough either for letting this happen. This discussion, like most when discussing the relative blackness of anything, devolved into what I described before: name calling; disrespect – yet again it was suggested someone was stupid; and a cesspool of negativity.

It’s sad that our one common trait – cuz black people ain’t a monolith – our one common trait, our blackness, regardless of if you are my color or lupita’s  – is the one thing WE use to divide ourselves.  And nastily at that.

I’m gonna go now.  For one, I have to check on my friend Brendan, who went out with his co-workers to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.  I need to make sure that he is still black.  And for two, I have to check on the progress of a story I pushed to be on the air about a young black girl makin moves OUTCHERE.  I also need to make sure that we cover that story I told Dar about regarding Kennedy King College being in the running for the nation’s top award for achievement and performance in community colleges.  And fucccccccccccccccccck,  I gotta hit up Micaeh to see if we can get pull some Dolphin power together to get her Oscar-winning black client on the morning show.

I work everyfuckingday to make sure the right images of my people are shown where I work and where the world can see them, but these green jeans I wore yesterday prove my lack of blackness.

Suck all the dicks, losers.