Who you calling a B…asic?!
From Merriam Webster
: forming or relating to the most important part of something
: forming or relating to the first or easiest part of something
: not including anything extra
The basic difference between the two companies is their size.
The motel is comfortable but pretty basic: you get the necessities all right, but no luxuries.
From The Urban Dictionary
: an adjective used to describe any person, place, activity involving obscenely obvious behavior, dress, action.
: Transparent motives.
Pat was trying to fuck that drunk girl – so basic.
Shelby was showing off her tits for attention – fucking basic.
Well those are two extremely different definitions of that word, huh?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this word lately as it keeps popping up. I have been known to apply the Urban Dictionary slant to more than a few chicks and DANs*, when exhibiting behaviors I find less than desirable. It’s easy to dismiss them as being simplistic and unsophisticated. But things have been happening lately to make me take a good look at myself when applying that label to others.
B as in BASIC BEYONCE or as in BUM BLOGGER?
Last week, my boy Big posted a blog on his Facebook page where this chick went on and on about the basicness of Beyoncé. In her poorly worded article, which has since been edited cuz the Bhive tore her a new one – (the child thinks she bRought Beyoncé’s album from iTunes; she has since realized she purchased it) – the blogger offers the following as proof of Bey’s basicness:
1. She doesn’t sing as well as others? I guess. But then the list of basic singers, Janet, Rih Rih, Prince (YOP), starts to get very long.
2. She doesn’t do one thing really well, but has mastered the art of doing a lot of things thoroughly, which she then goes on to describe as an incredible work ethic. Isn’t an incredible work ethic, ONE THING?
3. She says little because she is shallow and dumb. “Be honest: none of us really know Beyoncé.” I can’t express how much I want to slap the dog fuck out the person that wrote this statement.
She cites Blue Ivy’s hair, Bey’s weave, how Bey is all things to a diverse group of people – a trait of the basic if I ever heard one – and a bunch of other bullshit, that I easily and summarily dismissed. Thanks bad writer, but there is nothing basic about Beyoncé and so I have to stop talking about you and your wack blog post, cuz I’m like BUSY and have folks reading this and I don’t want to waste their time like I did reading your garbage.
THE PASSION OF TUESDAY & THURSDAY NIGHTS
Last night, Mary Jane comes on and as reliably as a nun’s period, the internet – or more appropriately the BLACK INTERNET (not to be confused with #blacktwitter, cuz I <3 #blacktwitter) BLEW THE FUCK UP as it is wont to do on Tuesday/Thursday Nights and/or Wednesday/Friday mornings.
“Why she gotta promote sidechicks?”
“Im sick of these images of black women on television.”
“Four minutes into watching this show for the first time I decided, this shit could only be enjoyed by the basics. ”
Wait, holup bitch…holup up….HOLD. THE. FUCK. UP. That last line was the opening a Mary Jane review, by a very popular blogger – who my tres current ass just heard of yesterday – who then went on to say how she enjoys flamin hots, after which I blacked out and where this blog comes in.
WHO THE FUCK IS DETERMINING WHAT IS BASIC?
This person, who from the looks of it, eats flamin hots by the trough, just called me basic cuz I watch and sometimes enjoy a television show where the worst thing that can be said about a character is that she is having an affair. Well, scuse the fuck out of me, Chastity Chasterson. I’m sure you have NO skeletons with red cheesepowder fingerprints on them stacked up in your closet and thats great! Here, let’s toast your righteousness with this tall glass of shut the fuck up and then take a swig to wash down your celebratory meal of hot crunchy curls – you know those are killing you right? I went on a tear about this on my FB page last night, which I know you read, cuz we are already FB friends and you read every fucking inane and insane thought I have. (If you think I am great fun, you should REALLY become FB/Twitter/IG friends with my pal Myalogy – there is something really awesome about her! Look her up!) I am all the things a person is supposed to say to defend themselves against accusations of basicness. You know the rundown, I am educated, I got my own, blah blah THE FUCK blah. And although, I don’t kneel at the altar of Mary Jane nor Olivia, (I do kneel at the altar of Mara and Shonda – cuz they are the ones that we should aspire to be, right? LOOK! Sistas, running thangs!) I can enjoy that show, RHOA, Scandal, the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, all that Tyler Perry bullshit and any other got dammed show I want without giving a fuck about your disdain, cuz at the end of the day every single thing….every single thing we do can be looked down upon and considered basic by someone else, except maybe Ofrey….and even I have something to say about a weave or two she rocked. That Kors bag you just copped wifey that you so busy smiling about walking down Michigan that you bout to crash into dude swaggering off of Oak fresh out the Hermes store with the Kelly is gonna make you a punch line over Oyster Leaf at Alinea later while you and Bae getting down with that spinach dip at Bandera. (Don’t you dare say pronounce that “h”, you basic muthafucka.) Them Seven’s and Levi’s are getting you clowned by that bitch in the Rag&Bones and her friend in the Hudson’s. Gurrrrrrrrrrrl, when you asked if my Ash’s were Marants, and I told you no, you didn’t REALLY roll your eyes at my feet did you? (But look at ol girl over there with them Maddens on, she trying so hard, bless her heart!) Did that heffa in the Panamera really peel out on me at the light after sneering at me in my 2002 RX? Fuck her.
I think you see where I’m going with this. The point is, stop with the bullshit. If you don’t like some shit you just don’t like it. It doesn’t make you any better than me, nor me any less than your wack ass. Keep watching News Hour with Gwen Ifill or Reed Between the Lines with Tracee Ross and Malcolm Jamal about their positive black family. Oh wait, they cancelled that cuz none of you positive black fuckas could be bothered to watch it! Imma be over here, with my lil basic stupid self salivating over the next time Mellie tears that bitch Olivia to shreds and praying for the moment Kandi and/or Phaedra slaps the fuck out of Kenya’s crazy ass….Moscato in hand. Never…thats for Basicas. I prefer Limearitas.
*DANs – Dumb Ass N………s – insert the nword of your choice.