NOT AS MUCH AS YOU ARE THIRSTY, YOU THIRSTY SAHARA SPIRITED ARID TONGUED HEFFA!
Got my pressure up and shit with that shit. I hate this chick I hate this chick I hate this chick, Bart Simpson on the chalkboard level hate this chick.
With that out the way, let’s discuss our Insecurities, shall we? Cuz I know I saw some of mine, personal and professional – acted out on that screen last night.
So after this dude came and slipped her the hot beef injection, he has her on virtual radio silence. She tried to sell it to her girls, ‘cept Molly, that they had a nice talk and are on the road to recovery. Cuz that’s what “after we break up sex” is, right ladies? A true blue indication that a man loves us above all others. Swoon. Especially when he doesn’t even bother to call you after the dirty deed. This leads to fave Kelly revealing that our boyfriend is/was seeing some trick. And we know who that most hated heffa is don’t we? Doing her very best Mya impersonation, Molly whips out her phone and three seconds later is on T
rasha’s IG account. Swear that’s me. Seriously. Malibu. You give me a first name and partial hairstyle and I’m gonna find a bitch. ANY BITCH. Issa tries to act all above it, like she can’t be bothered to look at or show interest in her adversary. But in them quiet alone moments, she is all of us….dying to not look at the page, but willing to die to see it. She falls down the most brutal rabbit hole ever, starting at IG and ending on LinkedIn. She learns that T rasha works at Lawrence’s bank and goes down there to confront her…….or something. In an obvious dream sequence, she “jalapeno pops” the fuck out of ol girl, but in reality, she literally falls back in her seat as T rasha walks by and then gets admonished by a parking lot cop for looking like she was sleeping in her car. For shame. She dispatches Molly to get some intel from Lawrence, who tells her that he has no interest in reuniting with Issa (or did he?). This leads our heroine to take back her life. She spreads her clothes out in her closet. She moves her pillow from “her side” to the middle of the bed. And most importantly, she hits up the dating app of her choice and flies her freak flag.
I legit need to hire someone to write this part of the recap, cuz I just hate old girl so much. But, I’ll try. There she is, at her thirsty best, basic cable and chillin with a man who could care less about her outside her box. He’s noticeably distracted, which her thirst really won’t let her see. She’s so geeked up at her “conquest” that this bitch wanna start handing out invites to family affairs! Bitch don’t nobody want that sweet assed spaghetti! Sit down and listen to K.dot. She might as well have sprayed this nigga with thirstbucket repellent, cuz no sooner than she invites him to the fam bam, he tells her he slept with Issa. FACE CRACK. Well, even Stevie Wonder saw that coming – but T
rasha? Nope. She’s so butt hurt, and I’m so happy, y’all. She thinks he should go, while I think he should have never come – either way. He does leave, but in his ever present weakened state, returns to apologize. Like most trash, she offers the only thing she can beyond her box, which she is too prideful at the moment to offer, food. “You Hongry?” Of course he is, T rasha. Weak niggas are always hungry.
I hope the next test I take on FB is “What Insecure character are you?” I’m gonna get Molly for certain. This was another segment of the show that spoke directly to me, as a woman grinding, surviving and thriving in corporate America. Still smarting over the white boy earning more than her, Molly takes a different approach. She’s not gonna be passive aggressive. She’s not gonna go to HR. She’s not gonna go in the bathroom and cry. She’s gonna be pro-active and bust up in that boys club. She wrangles her way into the corporate suite at a hockey game and gets ta codeswitching. This is me. This is so many of us. Watching her try to fit in – to find common ground with these old unbothered white men, to be noticed – was painful to watch, but she handled that shit like a G. I’m sure she left out of that game floating…only to return to work with a resounding crash to earth. Now da bossman doesn’t know her, doesn’t get the jokes they JUST shared, and makes her feel like shit for even trying. Again, been there. I’m rooting for her tho. She found them bootstraps and pulled them up and will now be splitting her time between LA and Chicago, to work on a case with a woman that was just banished there from the LA office. Molly is smart and capable, like SOMEONE WE KNOW VERY WELL AND SEE IN THE MIRROR EACH MORNING, so I know she’s gonna work this shit out in her favor – cuz black girls are magic.
We Got Y’all
An old black man was acting like an old black man much to a young white woman’s chagrin. But hey, that old black man got some kids up in their program, so……suck it young white woman.
- Issa’s Last Poets sweater, tho.
- Mane n’ Tail got name dropped. This show is definitely written by black people, for everyone, but super shouts to black folks.
- “You hear that Brian McKnight? Two bedrooms. One for your sleeping, one for your feelings.” Dude’s a dick in the best way.
- Raphael Saadiq is beasting on this soundtrack. But what else would he do?
- How Tash just gonna throw him out cuz he in love with someone else. Selfish heffa.
- “Derrick lived in a hotel for half of the last whatever. I found out that he it doesn’t matter.” Now THATS how you share your bidness.
- “Malibu” is getting like the Kardashian’s “bible” two episodes in.
- “Tryna fuck?”
- SZA – again props to Saadiq.