The title of the week’s episode is Hella Blows, but I submit it should have been named Hella Blown, cuz that’s how I felt after watching it.

Who wrote this?  Who?  The oldest white woman in the room bringing her thoughts of the urban “female” experience?  The oldest black woman in the room bringing her mother’s  1950’s sensibilities with her? The last hold over from the Golden Girls?  Joking on that last one, the Golden Girls writers were way more risky than whoever crafted this script.  I’m seriously at a loss because Issa’s story line did not track for me.  I’ll get into my generation’s hoetations in a moment, but first…..

The Rotten Rence of Tech-Air

WHOOT WHOOT! We aint never again got to hear about that damn app that kept him on he and Issa’s shared couch for two years.  The powers that be at his place of employ are non-plussed with Lawrence’s idea, which sounds a lot like technology that almost EVERY app already has.  Shocking.  There he was standing up there beaming at his idea – which, honestly, he should – oblivious to the fact that whatever he is selling is not being bought, but hey, his energy is liked, his kicks are dope and his skin is black – he good.  A well intentioned co-worker tried to let him know what was what but he wasn’t going, until he spoke to his bosses and picked up what they were putting down.  #RIPWhoot, we barely knew you.  But I’m pretty sure Young Rence is gonna get to know the inside of well-intentioned co-worker’s guts, really well.

Molly on dat Dro

There is a KILLERRRRRRRRRR drug joke to be written/made about the fact that both of their names are pseudonyms for drugs, but my title wasn’t it.  Feel free to take a stab at it in the comments tho, Myalogists.  So Molly and Dro done did it and like most couples that cross that line, the woman is trying to figure out what it all means. But, that’s just an exercise in futility for Molly – she knows what it means.  It means that he’s gonna do all the things he was doing when y’all were just friends, throw in a lot of fucking and for good measure, going home to his wife every night.  So even though she is soaking in a tub in a beautiful hotel room, where dinner has already been ordered and paid for, and she is bout to swap her rubber ducky for Dro’s big skrong hands – when wifey calls, he gotta go.  The disappointment she tried to hide from Dro is inevitably going to lead to her resenting him, even though he played no games and lied no lies – the truth is the truth.  He’s married.  His wife comes first.  Molly needs to drive back over her parents’ house and see if dude from that show that makes y’all cry every week is still standing out front.

Issa No

Now’s the time I ask any children or parents of mine that are reading to leave the room.  Things will be said that can’t be unread.  (pause)

They gone?

WHO OUT HERE TALMBOUT HOW THEY DONT SUCK DICK IN THE SEVENTEEN?  I mean really.  Do you do it every time?  Probably not.  Are you even good at it? Who knows?  Do you do it? Hell yeah.  And what’s the big deal about it? That conversation the foursome had at Sexplosion was so false.  So very false.  And the “white girls do it” line? WHO WROTE DAT?  I’m <redacted> years old saying this.  These girls are what?  A good <redacted> years younger than me?  Women who came of age after the internet was created.  Women who were sexting before I even knew what the word meant.  Women who were never forced to watch porn thru squiggly lines like y’all did. Women who take it in the mouth and the chute because that means they are still technically virgins.  Man please.  AND THEN!  THEN!!!! Whooooo, let me calm down and use small letters.  And then Ms. Issa, right after I award you a pair of big girl panties for being straight with Daniel about your lack of expectations, you revert to a, a, a – I don’t even know!!  First, don’t show up at NeighborBae or any other Bae’s door with that shit eating grin.  And if you stupid enough to do so, at least do yourself a favor and don’t get mad when they busy.  More importantly, Issa is supposed to be so in charge of her sexuality at this point.  Her “hoetations” on swole right? Am I really to believe your over grown ass doesn’t know what happens when you suck a man’s dick?  Does she not know how babies are made? This woman KNOWS, hell we all know, how Daniel feels about her.  That man cares for her to his own detriment.  Now all of a sudden she REALLY thinks he came in her face on purpose?  She really thinks he would disrespect her like that.  And really folks, would that be disrespectful if he did do it on purpose?  I’d laugh, personally and think to myself, “yeah…I did that.”  Her reaction was so overblown and over wrought….she deserved that Uber ride of shame with the wiggerlady and the punny driver.  Fuck outta here, Issa.

Session Notes:

  • Living in an densely populated area – I can tell you, that “move your car in your jammies” life is real.
  • “I could use a sexplosion.”
  • I was told of a boy named Chard, real name Richard.  I think that’s worse than Rence.  Pretty sure of it actually.
  • Issa said “no dick, no steak” – You know she ain’t from Chicago.
    • what?  Someone reading this, in fact the person most offended by it, fucks for food.
  • The cast of Insecure is very everyday looking and I appreciate that.
  • “I have big teeth and honestly I’m not very good at it.” That cum in your eye says otherwise Issa.
  • Champagne & Jamo, huh?  Yall let me know.



More Interesting Posts