Author name: zyansaeed615

Myalogists:  I want y’all to understand, before we start, that all the events below happened in ONE DAY. Y’all, did our dear Courtney achieve the up-until-now impossible? Did she make us like Tariq? Or at least respect him? Reign of Tariq Reign?  Raina? Rain? Reign?  No?  Skip y’all. Our junior hero opens up the show this week denying to the police and his family that he knows anything about Raina’s killer.   Which is good because from the way his parents are acting mere hours after losing her, either they don’t know she is dead or they don’t care.  Two tears in a bucket huh, St. Patricks? So home they go from the police station, to a house full of folks, one of whom thinks it’s a good time to tell Tasha that “everything happens for a reason.” Man, eff that b.  I would have c*nt-punched her ass before she could get to talmbout mysterious ways. Even though he is surrounded by folks, Tariq finds the time to get understandably high and conduct a little intel.  He reaches out to Kanan to find out RayRay’s location, but doesn’t tell him why.  In his ONE inexplicable dumb ass move, Tariq takes Tasha’s gun and sets out for blood.  BOY, why you taking a legit gun to go kill someone? He goes over to Truth to find Dre and does what every single character Dre has encountered to date should have done – sticks a gun in his punk ass ribs and forces the truth out of him.  He tells that fucka that if he don’t tell him where RayRay at, he telling it all, every single thing that Ghost and Tommy should be present and intelligent enough to see.  Dre relents and tells him where to find the killer cop.  Tariq heads there and arrives moments before his parents and uncle. Ghost sees Tariq in the elevator from bout a block away (lol what), breaks in the building and runs up the stairs just before Tommy, followed by Tasha.  Tariq and RayRay have a ten minute conversation, recapping Raina’s death, RayRays choice of soft vs. hard shell tacos, whether or not Tariq wrapped up before fucking his lil cuz and the best way to make a great roux, while Ghost and Tommy are running up FIVE FLIGHTS OF STEPS.  They all arrive in sequential order at the door right after gunshots ring out to find Tariq standing over RayRay’s dead body – asking the same damn thing.  “Are you okay?” BANG UP JOB WRITERS. Yes Ghost, he’s okay.  Yes Tommy, he’s okay.  Yes Tasha, he’s okay.  Yeah, he’s okay, as okay as anyone in his position can be.  They take their shell shocked baby home and HIS MOTHER indoctrinates him to the ways of the family.  Murder, Destroy Evidence, Wash your Ass, repeat.  Tariq St. Patrick just came of age. Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold Unless you are Ghost who likes to serve it up piping hot.  Initially this fool thinks the Jimenez have killed Raina so he switches out his tux for his murder clothes and hits the streets with Tasha’s blessing.  I don’t know bout y’all but if that nigga sat in my face and told me that my “flesh of my flesh” was gunned down over his fuckery, he would have needed his murder clothes for my black ass.  G & T bust up in the Toros Locos spot with guns blazing, shooting everyone looking like they want it til they get to Uriel, who they nail gun into telling them what they believed was the truth.  Uriel tells them that the Jimenez do NOT kill children, a fact I think we can all attest to and thusly played no part in Raina’s death.  Ghost delivers one of those wack intense ass proclamations, imploring Uriel to “swear” –  LOL WHAT AGAIN – he brought no harm to his family.  Ghost must have looked like he meant business cuz Uriel started bumping them gums…told G & T that Dre set him up to kill Julio cuz – BANG!  GOT DAMMIT GHOST.  You have a real penchant for shooting (or not shooting) folks at the wrong damn time – which is usually before they give you useful information! Armed with the info that Dre is a traitor, our boys head off in different directions….Ghost to plan a funeral and Tommy to find RayRay.  Tommy busts in on Destiny, who tells Tommy exactly where he can find RayRay.  Unbeknownst to him, Tariq is already on his way to handle that problem.  Once that all goes down, G & T track down Dre leaving a meeting with the Jimenez, and discuss the best way to get at him…with Kanan in the back seat sitting on READY. Myalogy Minutes WHERE THE FUCK IS MAMA, YALL?  Srsly.  Her granddaughter died, The St. Patricks couldn’t afford a ticket from Pine Valley? It’s an hour outside NYC for fuckssake. “Y’all still beefin? You may want to get a marriage counselor or something.” How the fuck and why the fuck would anyone name Angela the head anything, except doctor? I ask this every week.  I see no reason to stop.  It bears repeating. Speaking of her, I need her to stop acting like she doesn’t know exactly who James St. Patrick is. And speaking of that, knock off that “Jeemie’s gonna get the death penalty” shit…..we know, we get it. Tommy is faithful, if nothing else, to be going to confess to the father primera that left him hanging. “The daughters of innocent men sleep safely in their beds.”  Alderman Larenz woulda caught all the fade. These muthafuckas say anything on the phone when me and my pusha got a goddamn code name for a dimebag.  WTF?  “IM GOING TO KILL SOMEONE AND I NEED AN ALIBI..wait, that’s my call waiting…gotta go!” Would it really be weird for RayRay to be looking at Tariq’s statement when he just told that heffa Angie he was

The title of the week’s episode is Hella Blows, but I submit it should have been named Hella Blown, cuz that’s how I felt after watching it. Who wrote this?  Who?  The oldest white woman in the room bringing her thoughts of the urban “female” experience?  The oldest black woman in the room bringing her mother’s  1950’s sensibilities with her? The last hold over from the Golden Girls?  Joking on that last one, the Golden Girls writers were way more risky than whoever crafted this script.  I’m seriously at a loss because Issa’s story line did not track for me.  I’ll get into my generation’s hoetations in a moment, but first….. The Rotten Rence of Tech-Air WHOOT WHOOT! We aint never again got to hear about that damn app that kept him on he and Issa’s shared couch for two years.  The powers that be at his place of employ are non-plussed with Lawrence’s idea, which sounds a lot like technology that almost EVERY app already has.  Shocking.  There he was standing up there beaming at his idea – which, honestly, he should – oblivious to the fact that whatever he is selling is not being bought, but hey, his energy is liked, his kicks are dope and his skin is black – he good.  A well intentioned co-worker tried to let him know what was what but he wasn’t going, until he spoke to his bosses and picked up what they were putting down.  #RIPWhoot, we barely knew you.  But I’m pretty sure Young Rence is gonna get to know the inside of well-intentioned co-worker’s guts, really well. Molly on dat Dro There is a KILLERRRRRRRRRR drug joke to be written/made about the fact that both of their names are pseudonyms for drugs, but my title wasn’t it.  Feel free to take a stab at it in the comments tho, Myalogists.  So Molly and Dro done did it and like most couples that cross that line, the woman is trying to figure out what it all means. But, that’s just an exercise in futility for Molly – she knows what it means.  It means that he’s gonna do all the things he was doing when y’all were just friends, throw in a lot of fucking and for good measure, going home to his wife every night.  So even though she is soaking in a tub in a beautiful hotel room, where dinner has already been ordered and paid for, and she is bout to swap her rubber ducky for Dro’s big skrong hands – when wifey calls, he gotta go.  The disappointment she tried to hide from Dro is inevitably going to lead to her resenting him, even though he played no games and lied no lies – the truth is the truth.  He’s married.  His wife comes first.  Molly needs to drive back over her parents’ house and see if dude from that show that makes y’all cry every week is still standing out front. Issa No Now’s the time I ask any children or parents of mine that are reading to leave the room.  Things will be said that can’t be unread.  (pause) They gone? WHO OUT HERE TALMBOUT HOW THEY DONT SUCK DICK IN THE SEVENTEEN?  I mean really.  Do you do it every time?  Probably not.  Are you even good at it? Who knows?  Do you do it? Hell yeah.  And what’s the big deal about it? That conversation the foursome had at Sexplosion was so false.  So very false.  And the “white girls do it” line? WHO WROTE DAT?  I’m <redacted> years old saying this.  These girls are what?  A good <redacted> years younger than me?  Women who came of age after the internet was created.  Women who were sexting before I even knew what the word meant.  Women who were never forced to watch porn thru squiggly lines like y’all did. Women who take it in the mouth and the chute because that means they are still technically virgins.  Man please.  AND THEN!  THEN!!!! Whooooo, let me calm down and use small letters.  And then Ms. Issa, right after I award you a pair of big girl panties for being straight with Daniel about your lack of expectations, you revert to a, a, a – I don’t even know!!  First, don’t show up at NeighborBae or any other Bae’s door with that shit eating grin.  And if you stupid enough to do so, at least do yourself a favor and don’t get mad when they busy.  More importantly, Issa is supposed to be so in charge of her sexuality at this point.  Her “hoetations” on swole right? Am I really to believe your over grown ass doesn’t know what happens when you suck a man’s dick?  Does she not know how babies are made? This woman KNOWS, hell we all know, how Daniel feels about her.  That man cares for her to his own detriment.  Now all of a sudden she REALLY thinks he came in her face on purpose?  She really thinks he would disrespect her like that.  And really folks, would that be disrespectful if he did do it on purpose?  I’d laugh, personally and think to myself, “yeah…I did that.”  Her reaction was so overblown and over wrought….she deserved that Uber ride of shame with the wiggerlady and the punny driver.  Fuck outta here, Issa. Session Notes: Living in an densely populated area – I can tell you, that “move your car in your jammies” life is real. “I could use a sexplosion.” I was told of a boy named Chard, real name Richard.  I think that’s worse than Rence.  Pretty sure of it actually. Issa said “no dick, no steak” – You know she ain’t from Chicago. what?  Someone reading this, in fact the person most offended by it, fucks for food. The cast of Insecure is very everyday looking and I appreciate that. “I have big teeth and honestly I’m not very good at it.” That cum

Love, or something, is EVERYWHERE this episode! Daniel <3’s Issa Oh boy.  This boy is headed for some major heartbreak – and everyone can see it coming except him.  He was everywhere for her this episode.  Opening his front door for a daylong romp. (Can I say here how I just love those flings with an old reliable?! Nothing like it.) Buying her pastrami tacos in an attempt to keep her around after she tries to make her 2:30am post coital escape.  On the other end of a “wyd l8r” text when she is concerned a Tinder date may not work out.  At the scene of the accident, hugging his boo and reassuring her that he has her, no matter the circumstance, freaking her the hell out.  Two pairs of big girl panties for Issa stopping that shit, or trying to, at that exact moment.  She told him she fucked shit up the first time around and she had no intentions of leading her FWB astray ever again.  He said he got it; but he didn’t – the awkward way he let her go as they walked to his truck said it all.  They never do…..they never get it, even when being told directly. Lawrence <3’s Social Media You may not want to admit it, but 3/4’s of us have been where young Rence found himself Sunday night and the other 1/4 of you are lying about it.  It starts innocently enough. You just scrolling through YOUR social media feed minding your own business, when in the background of a friends pic you see your man with his hand on the ass of Maxine Shaw Attorney at Law – literally.  For real her.  Erika Alexander.  Just me, huh?  Fine.  So then you gotta go on Erika’s LinkedIn; then her Insta; then her Snap; then you gotta go and see if her MySpace is still active before you know it is 3 in the morning, you’ve snatched out the tracks from your bun, three empty bottles of Ginger Angry Orchard surround the sofa and your eyes are bloodshot, but you are now armed with the information that Ms. Alexander was Mrs. Pettigrew’s favorite Composition student and she USED to have a perm while she hashtagging everything #teamnatural.  Gold I tell ya.  Gold.  Lawrence went down that rabbit hole after seeing a truly innocent picture of Daniel and Issa and he raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan a country mile with it.  He began to question everything about his relationship. Stalked not Issa, but Daniel’s social accounts before doing the only thing one SHOULD do when finding themselves in this situation – get that block game proper.  I was proud of him…I’m a big proponent of self-preservation – although I did give Ms. Alexander the Celie fingers when she popped up on the screen in Get Out. Molly <3’s Marriage Myolllllllly, you did not discuss this with me, so I’m a bit perturbed, but understanding, kinda, maybe.  So all the snaps to you for your money moves at work.  Like a Clarkite, you will find a way or make one and it looks like your way is Chicago.  #leggo.  Her parent’s vow renewal that she has been talking about for a couple of weeks is here and she has returned home to her cute lil block with her cute lil family!  Dro is back on the block for the festivities and we have a clear answer on how they know each other.  They grew up together. FUCK YOU CANDACE.  Not wanting to appear to be the lesbian spinster, Molly brings old boy from that show that makes yall cry every week to the festivities. WHY GIRL WHY?  She doesn’t like that man, but at least it will keep the OLG off her back.  Dro arrives looking like he is gift wrapped in a very tight suit just for her and the sparks between them are palpable.  But that smile is bout to get wiped off her face, as the OG of the OLG reveals that Molly’s dad cheated on her mom BEFORE SHE WAS EVEN BORN.  This revelation throws her for a loop – she explodes at her parents before running out and past old boy from that show that makes yall cry every week.  But never fear – UnderDro is here! He drives her home, and listens to her – really listens instead of refuting her claims about marriage as I am SURE he wanted to.  He was just THERE for her.  He walks her to her door and a song I am now in love with begins to play.  She stops him from leaving and Molly has just become what she claims to have no patience for: a cheater. Issa <3’s Hoetations Daniel, NeighborBae, Dickpiccer and Si Bitch! Derek <3’s The Truth Rarely do you see a man being so honest with his boy about his shortcomings.  I felt like this scene was a nod to all the #lawrencehive that just started watching the show without context.  This man sat in their home for two years – doing nothing, but working on his plan – a plan that included nice things for her birthday with no follow thru. Disappointing her.  Until you are a woman that leaves the house going to work and returns to it finding her man in the same place, you will not understand.   Does it give her the right to cheat?  No.  But you can understand how it could happen. Session Notes: Issa’s “Down To The Penny at the Pump” game is SKRONG. Shine Lil Rel Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.  I see you with that passa’s body. The Kelli Prenny Muthafucking Carolina Reaper Pepper Challenge Mixer! I’ve not paid much attention to Issa’s work sitch and I know my cuzzins gonna have a problem with this, but I think there are things to learn about Frieda’s reaction to the way we tend to exclude folks.  Go tell ya fave I said it. So I can tell ya fave, fuck you. DRO: if you

Saturday night I attended the bbq of someone whose food I love ALMOST more than I love him.  I got to the party late and could only get one of his world famous (or at least south side famous) chicken burgers, which I promptly wrapped up and took to my car, so I could continue the reverie.  I was so excited to get home and eat that burger while watching Power, which is exactly what I did.  First, I pre-post-gamed.  I knew that <redacted> would lead to me becoming even more hungry, thereby intensifying my love for the food and the show.  When I tell you that when I got to the end of the show and the end of my chickenburger, I was left depleted, chicken literally dropping from my agape mouth as I sat there heartbroken over someone I never even really cared about. Tommy Teresi, Psychopath See, here is a word that we throw around ALOT, but in some cases it is exactly the word we should be using.  Tommy is crazy as fuck, certifiably.  There are not many people who would choke up their mother while confessing to murdering their baby mama, but hey that’s just how Tommy rolls, right? We repeatedly see him do crazy shit and just love him anyway.  Well that’s good because he needs our support and love now more than ever.  Dre’s masterful plan has come together and Tommy is without his drugs, his money, his organization and he fucked around and let the coke and the anger leave him without Ghost.  Y’all – their exchange in Ghost’s office was so funny and real to me.  Someone said to me recently that if you aint stopped talkin to a good friend, they aint a good friend.  Only a good friend can promise to kill you and you write them a check and let them walk out the crib alive.  But there Tommy was, threatening his brother, head butting him and walking his high ass out the door.  Having been turned away for consignment by Jason and spurned by both Tasha and Keisha, Tommy secures his birth certificate from Kate and sets off to see his father in prison. The joy they felt at seeing each other was some Oscar level acting…I could sense it thru the screen as Tommy remarked how Teresi looked like an older version of him. The old man asks his son if he can do anything for him and Tommy tells him he needs to meet the rest of his family  – sounds like some Henry Hill action is on deck.  The EYETALIAN MAFIA is coming to Power. Angelames No.  NO. NO! What y’all not gonna do is subject us to this shit again. There is NO way these people should feel a modicum of anything for each other.  Well, let me correct – there is NO way this man should feel anything for her.  Her feelings are understandable.  She loves a conflicted man – been there.  You falsely accused him of murder and arrested him, then found out he was innocent.  So you helped free him, cuz YOUR BAD. But nword – You REALLY wish her well?  You really want to sit and stare lovingly as she appears in the room?  You really wanna touch her?  You really wanna use the one good eye Tommy left you with to make eyes at this heffa as she ascends the staircase?? Fine. You get what you get. Andre Coleman What Dey Call Him Last week, I posited if Ghost was like Dre on his ascension to the throne.  Now I know, without hesitation that he absolutely was.  This shit he pulled off, while not at peak Ghostosity, was almost there.  He needs to cook a little bit longer before he can come up with some capers like Planmaster J.  In the span of three episodes, he’s had Julio killed; undercut Tommy with the Jimenez; burned the stash; got Cristobal “fired”; turned all the Primeras against Tommy; got himself “fired”; marked Kanan for death and moved himself into position.  I think for the most part we are universally in agreement on our hatred of Dre, but this fool is smart than a mofo.  That speech about being underestimated by his bosses?  Classic.  I still don’t think he is long for this world though – the previews showed Ghost dressed in his killing clothes….and although a certain murderous police officer is a likely target, we’ve seen Ghost spend a whole episode killing his organization, then going back to change into his tight suits.  Dre is not safe. A Requiem for Raina I don’t even know where nor how to start.  Tariq’s caper from last week left too many loose ends.  Although he is on his way to Choate, he just couldn’t leave the street life well enough alone to keep everyone safe.  Ray Ray, the rogue cop that used to run with Jukebox and Kanan, is hot on the trail of Tariq, Brains and Rapist, due to their heist on the rich white woman, who has no concept of for whom she should open her door. Ray Ray is pissed they didn’t get approval for the lick and likely their poor handling of it.  He finds them at their hideout and promptly murks them.  2 loose ends down, 1 to go.  He goes to Tariq and Raina’s school looking for Riq, but he’s not in school that day.  Undeterred, he gets his little cousin/Tariq’s bustit to crack him and set up a meet.  Bustit says she will meet Tariq at his school dance to give him some lean for his trip to Choate.  At the dance, Tariq and Raina share a sweet moment about their impending separation and how they won’t be spending their next birthday together – amongst many other things, unbeknownst to them at the time.  He leaves his sister when he gets a text from Bustit to meet him out back and finds Ray Ray waiting

First, I want to open up this recap giving a shout out to the moron that posted that screenshot of Sandoval in a pool of blood from the leaked episodes.  I wish your dad had been as quick as you and pulled out and leaked you onto those dirty sheets your mom banged his boy on two nights prior. Ahem…. Federal Agents Mad Sandoval’s Flagrant One thing about Angela, when she said she was gonna find Greg’s killer, she wasn’t playing NO games.  With Donovan and Saxe firmly on her team, they set in place a plan to take down Sandoval, for being the mole and the murderer of a federal agent. They have all the pieces in place, but no actual proof – which poses a problem initially.  Am I the only one that thought that Saxe was double crossing them by telling Sandoval that Angela believed he was the mole?  Well good thing we were wrong. Once Saxe told him bout Angie, Sandoval got his shit locked and loaded.  This mofo is something else yall.  He really believes he can kill his way out of this.  He arrived at Angie’s door and she opened it for some reason.  The scene then played out eerily reminiscent of Greg’s impending death.  Question. Admit. Confess. They keep reasoning with this dude.  Good thing Angie is smarter than Greg.  She wasn’t going out like no sucka ass clown, Sandoval found he couldn’t keep a dope fed down.  CORNY AF I AM.  So he tried it, pulled that gun on her and told her to prepare to be reunited with her former lover.  BUT OH NO….Angie was wired the entire time and the feds were right downstairs. Soon as Sandoval start talking, they ran up in the joint…but too late!  Angie already shot and disarmed him, setting him up for the long con.  She then went to Silver and told him Sandoval was arrested who told Ghost who decided to kill him.  RIP Sandoval. You moved the hell out this plot.  If you plan to kill someone in heaven, just dispose of the gun, don’t plant it.  Bless. All’s Fair In War and Dre This muthafucka here.  He ain’t gonna be happy til he can have a face to face conversation with Shawn. First he crashes a meeting between fine ass Alderman Larenz and Ghost, which he didn’t tell Ghost about because Alderman said Ghost would be fine with it.  WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE REMIND THIS NWORD WHO HE WORKS FOR.  He can’t seem to remember.  Then, he takes Ghost and Tommy to the meeting with the Jimenez and puts eyes on the opposition.  Is he doing that because he wants to know how he can be a better distro to the people that put him in that position?  FUCK NO.  This fool wanna set up his own meet with them to tell them how he can eliminate their Ghost/Tommy problem.  Tommy is right. Obvi.  The Jimenez owe their organization the land and the port…Julio’s freedom and presumably life was paid for – honorable bidness men wouldn’t need time to think it over.  The Jimenez aint honorable tho.  They don’t want to concede anything to Ghost/Tommy and are eager to listen to what Dre has to offer.  At least the Jimenez are better with babies than Kanan.  They will just kill him, his baby will be fine. Tariq St. Patrick, Choate Class of 2020 This week Young Riq took a crash course in Aint Bout Dis Lifeness 101.  Bored with his parents, angry at his sister and broken hearted over Kanan, the young God hits up some people I aint ever seen on the show and tells them that “he’s in.”  In is a heist in a well to do neighborhood.  Tariq plays the straight man and goes to a wealthy woman’s home under the pretense of raising funds for his swim team.  The woman is impressed enough with his code switching that not only does she open her steel door to him, she tells him to wait in the foyer while she gets her money.  I thought to myself in that moment, this woman was dead before she woke up this morning.  I’m from Chicago, SouthSide, Wild 100s – we aint opened the steel door for nobody since it was installed.  And def not for nobody selling no candy.  Halloween don’t even exist on my damn block.  Those could be midgets, not kids out there.  Fuck that.  And that’s how my MAMA feels.  Anyway, while he is waiting for her to return with her life savings, two of his boys Brains and Rapist, rush the door and demands to be taken to the safe.  Hearing all the corruption, Tariq ascends the stairs after them, and finds Brains ransacking the room and Rapist attempting to live up to his name.  Horrified, Tariq pleads with Brains to make Rapist stop – but once he said Brains name out loud? Night night, wealthy white lady.  Tariq tore ass up out that joint. Ran all the way home and begged his mama to send him to Choate – the boarding school Raina begged him to attend. The Ballad of Tony and Kate After learning that his love of redheads likely came from Teresi’s balls, Tommy sets out to find Kate and confront her about his true paternity.  SN: Every time I see Kate on screen I think of Holly and how she would have been just as terrible a mom as Kate.  Tommy is fortunate she’s gone.  In true Kate fashion, she lies about Tommy’s dad and says he left and that’s it, that’s all.  Tommy aint satisfied with that and he goes to Teresi’s house under the guise of meeting Sammy, the dude he made the money drop to, I believe.  Mrs. Teresi must have remembered him cuz SHE LETS HIM IN…why these white women keep letting folks in their house?  Oh, because Mrs. Teresi seems to have a little plan of her own.  While

This week, we see yet another cautionary tale bout messin with YT womins…..but later for that.  I wanna talk about the true star of this episode: Kelly. Dear Kelly,  Thank you for joining Molly and Issa at Kiss n Grind. Thank you for pouring out Molly’s drink.  Thank you for that color blocked dress. Thank you for kicking them young thotarellas out your section – repeatedly. Thank you for saying you would fuck Derek – repeatedly.  Thank you for getting finger popped at that diner.  Thank you for your cheat day. Dear Lawrence, Oh sweetie.  Soon as I saw them two YT womins I knew what time it was.  How you ain’t know is beyond me. What I do know is that when white people start buying drinks, you stick around, NOT run out the store to get to your BOYS crib?  Geez Dum-dum.  I also knew, that type of action is beyond you. You are NOT built for that life.  Soon as they talked bout LeMarcus the first time, you shoulda pulled a hit and run.  But nope. You stayed – and got some karmic retribution for how you treated Tasha in the form of a limp dick and a quick dismissal for some takeout.  LOL.  And then….then…with your dick and ego decidedly in the dust you go to the one safe space for you.  Sittin outside your former abode where so much love lived….til you fake pumped and called ya girl home to talk only to be found chopping down a bust-it.  You a fan of fake pumps, ain’t you, ‘Rence.  You fool. P.S.  So many of your ardent supporters were so quiet post-show, when they been SO loud.  You should really check on them and make sure they are still alive to hate black women.  Dear Molly, GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL, you is in DANGER.  Now look, I done had a dalliance with a light skin with personality and MA’AM – that shit can be trouble – especially when it’s in an open marriage with one of your girls. (That’s your story, not MINE!) Because we are Myolly, soon as I heard “chicken fingers” I knew – I KNEW.  This stomach of ours leads to more bullshit than a little bit. So you done had some chicken fingers. Now you dranking.  Then you dancing.  Then you twerking.  Then you listening to that deep ass voice tell you how an open marriage aint work for him and ya girl.  Now you thinking.  DONT BITE THE APPLE EVE.  See this type of shit is fine for a certain type of person, but that aint us right now. That’s not where we are.  Plus – these aint random people – these are people with whom you and Issa have some sort of longstanding relationship.  Wifey may be cool with an open marriage, but I don’t know many women that want their husband sleeping with a mutual friend.  He fine tho – that Al B. shit notwithstanding…just dont do it.  Good girl sending that “thanks, but no thanks” text…wait, you DID hit send, right?!  Call me, girl. Dear Issa, I’m bout to start calling you Timex, mama, cuz you keeps a licking and keeps on ticking.  Growing up as an assless black girl, I’m used to a certain level of disdain and dismissiveness from black men, but I ain’t NEVAH EVAH withstood the “FINISH HIM” level of annihilation you suffered at the hands of Folix, I mean Felix.  From your hair to your voice – this nigga had zero mercy.  I’m not even sure how I would have processed that.  But there you were…still standing and walking away with strangers going thataway. Oh GOD and then your Living Single rendition.  I was watching with my girls and no one laughed cuz we were just so embarrassed for you.  Then Daniel stood there not giving a fuck while you were worried about dealing with some drama…jokes on you again my dude.  But you rebounded nicely – sitting next to two fools engaged in digital sex, you and Daniel found a way to connect, hopefully not for the last time. Session Notes: We doing open relationships? I must agree with Dro – they are the most honest. Speaking of Dro, soooooooooooo NOT my type but something was there for me.  Yall? When YT1 jumped off the dick and YT2 jumped right on, I was disgusted. SYD THE MUTHAFUCKIN KID, I SEEEEEEEEE YOU WIFEY! <3 Lawrence got treated like a $50 hoe. We love Chad tho, right? He’s a dick, but he’s bae. “Felix, like the cat? You tryna fuck a cat?” – I can never thank you enough Kelly. Is Kiss’n’Grind like Grits’n’Biscuits? I REALLY did not get the necessity of the Lawrence/Cop scene. Fuck you, Folix.  I mean Felix.   Editor’s Note: Issa and crew have heard the outcry about the apparent lack of safe sex and have responded. Apparently condoms are included in scenes, but they are not obvious enough for the masses.  She promises to do better.  Now y’all can go back to making sure all the non black shows y’all watch are doing the same.