Author name: zyansaeed615

I mean what the fuck. Yall know that I do NOT care, cuz I am strictly #navy but, never let it be said about me that I do not have my finger on the pulse of the cultural zeitgeist. I thought by the time I woke up, Damon & Panama would have tackled this subject or the beyhive would have outed the culprit, but nope.  On this here 27th day of March, Eight ante meridian in the 2018th year since people started counting, the mystery remains:  WHO THE FUCK BIT BEYONCE? You dont know what I’m talmbout?  Let me catch you up.  Everyone’s fave, Tiffany Haddish, which is Eritrean for “the bitch you don’t want around when shit is going down,” ran that yap she loves to run and spilled the following in an interview with GQ about this most heinous offense: “There was this actress there,” continues Haddish, keeping her voice low, “that’s just, like, doing the mostest.” One of the most things she did? “She bit Beyoncé in the face.” Haddish declines to name the actress. (“I absolutely cannot comment on any of this, as I have no knowledge,” said Beyoncé’s representative, Yvette Noel-Schure, when GQ sought confirmation from the singer.) “So Beyoncé stormed away,” Haddish says, “went up to Jay-Z, and was like, ‘Jay! Come here! This bitch—’ and snatched him. They went to the back of the room. I was like, ‘What just happened?’ And Beyoncé’s friend walked up and was like, ‘Can you believe this bitch just bit Beyoncé?’ ” “And so then…,” she continues, “a lot of things happened.” According to Haddish, she and the actress continued to cross paths throughout the night, culminating in a brief standoff. The actress, at one point, told Haddish to stop dancing, which—good luck making that happen. “And then Beyoncé and Jay-Z walked by me, and I tapped Beyoncé.” Haddish says she told Beyoncé, “I’m going to beat somebody ass at your party. I just want to let you know that.” Beyoncé asked her not to—told her to “have fun” instead. (Haddish leveraged this moment into a selfie with Beyoncé.) “Near the end of the party,” says Haddish, describing her final run-in with Mrs. Carter sometime later, “Beyoncé’s at the bar, so I said to Beyoncé, ‘Did she really bite you?’ She was like, ‘Yeah.’ I was like, ‘She gonna get her ass beat tonight.’ She was like, ‘Tiffany, no. Don’t do that. That bitch is on drugs. She not even drunk. The bitch is on drugs. She not like that all the time. Just chill.’ ” Hmmmmm, do we have, Myalogists, a fair amount of information on which to base an actual claim?  I have some ideas.  Here, in no particular order, are my suspects. Maia Campbell – stick with me on this.  Now, she used to date Jay and we have proof on how much of a whore he is, so maybe he likes to keep his hoes close and thats why she was at the party.  There she is in this pic, looking pretty comparatively healthy in front of an Uptown step and repeat, so we can deduce she still gets invited to stuff.   Bey said the “bitch” in question was not drunk, but on drugs, which certainly jibes with what we know of Ms. Campbell.  Still, if she was at the party, I cant see her being able to get close to yall’s queen, nor B knowing what ol girl was or was not like all of the time, so imma stick a pin in this one.   Probablity:  .5 out of 5  Sanaa Lathan – it was confirmed that she was at the party.  The Beyhive went on FULL attack when they figured out that she not only attended Jay’s concert, but also the afterparty where the bite in question occurred.  Now, Sanaa is Hollywood Royalty and is used to nice things, so not only can I see her not biting B, but I can also see her being past the whole sex, drugs and rock’n’roll thing.  Plus she denied it, and knowing all parties involved and how Haddish can not hold water, it’s highly unlikely she would deny something she knew a blabbermouth knew to be true.    Probability:  0 out of 5    Rosario Dawson – oh Rosie…she that is rumored to be the subject of Jay’s Lost Ones.  Not one of the hoes nor concubines, but one he actually loved.  It would make more sense if Beyonce bit her on the face.  She was dating this Eric Andre dude, she apparently was over the moon about, but for some reason, they broke up in December of 2017, the SAME DECEMBER OF 2017 in which Beyonce was bit.  At this same party, you will remember B had to shoo some home wrecking heffa away from J.  Maybe she tried to take a chunk out of Bey’s beauty in an attempt to make her not as attractive to her husband.  Hmmmmm, the drugs seem a stretch and again, I cant see Bey hanging with someone Jay actually loved.  Probability 1.5 out of 5    Taraji P. Henson – yall already know fam aint do this, but i needed to take up space.  She too damn cool, got too many jobsssssssssssss and a fine ass boyfriend who buys her cute dogs, plus Gangsta Tiff already said it wasnt her.  Probability: 0 out of 5       Issa Rae – this one hurt me to add.  and the only reason I added her is because King Chrissy Teigen was shocked when she found out who it was – and who would be more shocking than this?! She lives in Cali and her dad has a medical office in Inglewood, the city that is home to the scene of the crime.  Bey was able to keep her cool, cuz she KNEW that whoever did this was in an altered state and not themselves – proving that like Chrissy, she has some affinity for this person as well. 

I read, therefore I write. – Mya Now you can interpret the word “read” in the above as past or present tense, but the fact is, the only reason I ever developed a love of writing is because I read first. My mother was an educator on the south side of Chicago for over 30 years and aside from shaping the mind of one future fly ass first lady, she shaped the minds of her children.  My brother got the numbers gift, I got the mastery of words. Weekly my mother would take us to the Beverly Branch of the Chicago Public Library and I would roam the stacks for hours.  The new Babysitter’s Club or some YA novel that had some girl looking forlornly at a guy not paying attention to her on the cover were enough to transplant me to another world.  She also made sure I had plenty of magazine subscriptions.  There were always magazines our house.  Blacks folks twin pillars of journalism, Ebony and Jet had a permanent home on her coffee table.  US News and World Report,  Newsweek and Time got a limited appearance before they were trashed after reading.  After I got too old for Highlights, lol, I started getting Omni, a science mag.  After I got too cool for Omni, I started getting Sassy and YM.  While all this magazining was going on, I was a voracious reader of the Chicago Sun Times.  Columnists Michael Sneed, Richard Roeper, Robert Feder, Omarr Starr (i think) and Kelz’s favorite journalist Jim DeRogatis all played major part in formulating my world view – especially snarky ass Richard Roeper, who I ended up having the pleasure of working with and telling how much he impacted me.  Once I went through my political awakening, I subscribed to a magazine that included all my loves and passsions, pop culture, celebrity news, and politics…the dearly departed George, helmed by John F. Kennedy Jr.’s dearly departed ass.  When he died, so did the magazine. I was sick for months, over both losses.  I still have that last edition of George – with his handsome ass peering out from the afterlife and its cover – it’s hanging over my….anyway….the point is, I love print journalism.  I love it so much that yesterday’s suckerpunch in a very long dirty fight left me verklempt. I awoke to the news that Teen Vogue was folding its print edition.  Now, you are asking why I would be reading Teen Vogue when I am <redacted>  years old.  Well, I’m looking at your ass wondering why you were not.  Helmed by the magical black girl, Elaine Welteroth, Teen Vogue was DOING WERK.  During this last shammockery of a campaign season, those people lead the charge on the most important issues of the day.  With Titles like the hard-hitting “Donald Trump is Gaslighting America” by Lauren Duca, the young magazine was gaining the accolades of many, including celebrated journalist Dan Rather.  I was so impressed with the job they were doing, I got my 13 year old cousin a subscription.  The morning her mom sent me a picture of her laying on the couch reading the mag, I felt like a proud fucking parent. But cash is king and Conde Nast, Teen Vogue’s parent company is bleeding it, so budget cuts win the day.  It lives on digitally, but its not the same as the joy I feel turning actual pages.  I guess my joy is over. Tried as I may to go on with my day, as if another piece of me hadn’t die, I was stopped dead in my tracks at the next piece of news.  DNAInfo, damn near the heart and soul of the Chicago news scene was shuttering its operations at the very moment I was reading it.  Just moments earlier Andrew Herrmann, senior editor of the publication, was standing in our newsroom discussing his next appearance, blissfully unaware of the way his life and so many lives were about to change.  And I mean that literally, reporters were actively working on stories when their systems were like, “NOPE.” Unlike the two, excuse me, one newspaper here (The SunTimes is now a pamplet), there wasnt a SouthSide/NorthSide bias.  The folks over at DNA were dedicated to reporting on the entirety of the city….down to and especially, the neighborhoods.  It broke stories like how CPD Officers purposely damaged body cams.  It broke stories about local heroes like Jahmal Cole, of My Block, My City, My Hood, which lead to me booking him at my news operation.  I’d argue that many local news outlets and content creators checked the pages of DNA while building their shows and social media posts.  Brought on by the desire of the writers to unionize, Joe Ricketts, shuttered the beloved operation because, as he stated, “DNAinfo is, at the end of the day, a business, and businesses need to be economically successful if they are to endure.” Sigh.  He’s right, but sigh. Life is change.  It is the only thing that is constant in life….and maybe technology.  Technology persists….taking away so many things, civlity, actual conversations, empathy, phone calls, brick and mortar businesses and print publications with it.  

I am a daughter , a niece, a sister, an aunt – to men.  So what you are about to read will not be a full scale indictment on men, but it’s definitely about them, because they are from whom my experiences hail.  Harvey Weinstein, not unlike Bill Cosby, Woody Allen, Bill O’Reilly, and Roger Ailes, and his many many alleged – and you know why I typed alleged – assaults have brought sexual misconduct to the forefront of the cultural zeitgeist.  Whenever something like this happens, we all sit and wonder; some of us, why it wasn’t reported earlier, later, sooner, quicker to the police, their spouses, their human resources department or their friends; and some of us wonder how the rest of us are sitting questioning something they have obviously never been through; cuz honestly, if you knew better, you would do, think and say better. This morning I joined the #metoo movement, where women from all walks of life, aged sixteen to sixty and poverty stricken to posh ladies who lunch, have recounted their harassment or maybe even rape at the hands of our number enemy, a predatory man.  Waking up to all those hashtagged posts made me recount, not so much my own situation, but the REACTION to my situation. Earlier this year I was a weekly contributor to a morning radio show here in Chicago.  During one of my earliest segments, which I believe was about Dr. Cosby, I recounted my story.  It involved a co-worker I’d known at that point over 10 years, a beloved one. If I had to guess, I’d say this person was pretty beloved throughout Chicago.  It’d been some time since I’d seen him, so when he invited me to lunch, I happily accepted.  He told me to sit tight, that he was going to get his car and to meet him outside.  About 10 minutes later or so, he pulled up and I jumped in the passenger seat.  We engaged in some light banter and shit talkin – the kind only old pals can have.  Now, we worked in a pretty populated area, with restaurants as far as the eye can see, so when we began to make our descent on to Lower Wacker, I was confused, but not worried.  In fact, I wasn’t even worried when he mentioned that we were driving under a co-worker’s building, to which I replied: “I did not know that.” To which he replied: “Here’s what I know…I need you to kiss me right now.” What followed wasn’t physical, but it was extremely uncomfortable.  He began to explain how much he wanted me and how much he’d always wanted me.  How his wife was out of town and probably wouldn’t mind anyway. How hot I was.  How many times he had to calm himself down when he saw me.  I was having zero parts of that fuckshit and demanded he drive me back up stairs.  He finally did, after attempting to plead his case.  Once I was back safely in the view of folks, as if a woman can ever be truly safe in public, he meekly apologized and I boldly told him to fuck the fuck off and don’t ever… So imagine my horror at the reactions to this story, told in an effort to explain, educate, or edify how assault doesn’t have to always be reported and can come from the disheveled man following a woman home from the bus stop or the jock that just wants you to have one more beer before heading to his dorm, a woman can be hurt, and sometimes likely so, by someone she knows and trusts.  BAyBAAAY, believe me when I tell you, them no good ass niggas listening to that show wasn’t having NO parts of it. A sampling of responses: “I don’t believe the hoes.” – Jacob “Not sure about Mya’s thinking.” – Kathy “She’s an example of an angry black women [sic] let me see if I can find Jesus for her.” – Kenneth “Mya, just answer the question, who goes to the Playboy Mansion for a job interview.” – Shapearl “Not one woman told a friend, a parent, a family member? They all kept quiet?” – Maurice “Yes, it’s very confusing…don’t dress suggestively and don’t think no one isn’t going to say something…once he put his hands in [sic] your or take it to another level then there’s a problem.” – Henry (yeah, he wants to put his hands IN you if you dare wear something that tempts his ability to keep his hands OUTSIDE of you) and then came this, the following week, when I hadn’t insulted their Hero Bill, wasn’t talkin nothing close to nothing about that man when this brain surgeon left this comment.  Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, from Mr. I Dont Believe the Hoes, himself, Jacob…   Why, yes Professor Jacob, that was me talking about getting “took” under “walker.”  I’m not sure why I should stop though.  Does getting in the car with someone I trust mean that I am not qualified as a thinking person with ideas and issues to discuss?  Did I deserve for a friend to come at me so aggressively out of absolutely no where because I accepted his lunch date?  Probably should have fleshed that whole “date” part of “lunch date” more carefully.  Huh?  Dumb me.  Unlike Rex Tillerson and his boss, I am 100% unafraid, unencumbered, unapologetic and unable to NOT call you exactly what you are…a fucking moron. See Myalogists, this is just a bit of the feedback and the majority of the problem.  Not one caller that day questioned the actions of the man.  No one wondered why he would do that to someone who trusted him, someone that considered him a friend.  But they had all the time and keyboard fingers in the world for me.  And those answers and responses are why friends, co-workers, priests, fathers, athletes, black entertainment icons and powerful Hollywood executives

Not Kofi, so get your knickers out your crack and chill your vaginas… Look at him up there…looking like he read my piece and is ready to break a foot off in me. I’m talmbout Ralph Angel, the prototype of the angry black man – a phrase oft overused but totally apropos as it regards this person.  Seasons 1 and 2, I was all Tyra “we were rooting for you” for our poor downtrodden Ra.  The way Ava and Co bathed him in blue hues and dressed him in all white suits to send his father home.  They way he earnestly strove to make Blue a better man than he.  The way he lied, cheated and stole to make sure that lil boy had food in his belly.  The way he loved his daddy.  They way he so clearly yearned for Darla despite her shortcomings. And the way they FINALLY reunited their naughty bits. I think “we” – yes I speak French and for y’all – wanted to see him win so badly.  We are innately aware of how the system devours our young men, sometimes taking their hopes and dreams with them.  When a beloved family member is incarcerated, the rest of the family is in jail right with them.  Once they are released, they are faced with seemingly insurmountable challenges, stripped of their dignity, their privacy, their rights and their futures.  So if they are angry, they deserve every right to that anger – but not forever.  We are the descendants of slaves – we bend, but we shouldn’t break…and listen, I say shouldn’t with the full knowledge of my black girl magic and the opportunities it has afforded me.  Plus I have spent time in the county jail, so I believe this makes me an expert on all things.  Ahem…Ra is a young man that made some mistakes, BUT walked right back into a family that not only loved him, but coddled him.  A family that would have (and has) supported him thru his comeback.  This man had a father for chrissakes, he didn’t have that gaping hole left in his childhood that often leaves our boys with a hidden sorrow and rage…….which brings me to my point:  this muthafucka is madder than the law should allow. It came to mind to write this while watching last nights mid-season premier.  I watched this man hurt a woman that has been fighting tooth and nail to be in his and their son’s life.  This disrespectful ass nigga had the nerve to reference her “hoe-ing.”  If, I could jumped thru that tv screen and strangled the fuck out his ass I would have.  So I began to think, for once, not about fucking him, but about how in real life I wouldn’t say hello to this nigga with Stacey Dash’s mouth. Darla is fucking struggling to hold it all together and all he does is seek to control and manipulate her.  Pick up Blue! Get a job!  Stay away from Blue! Leave your job and stay/come be with me!  Move in! Marry me!  NOW!  This is a woman in fucking recovery and 97% of the time Ra makes everything in both of their lives about him.  Structure and routine are key parts to her recovery that he seems to forget all about –  until he wants to throw her struggles in her face.  HOEING?  HOEING NIGGA? ARE YOU TALMBOUT HOEING WHEN YOU WERE LOCKED THE FUCK UP?! How dare you disrespect your fiancee and son’s mother like that? Cuz her past caught up with her?  Uncomfortably so at that.  The ways she reacted to that man calling her Star?  She wasn’t happy for that attention. Not one bit.  It was heartbreaking to watch her demeaned on the street and then once again in her own home. No wonder she took to drugs. And if this asshole doesnt watch his step, she may be on them again.  I for one would like to know how she got addicted to drugs and what part he played in it. Fucka. THEN last season, when he yoked up Micah for ACCIDENTALLY pushing Blue?  LAWD SOMEBODY CALL THE LAW!  Charley should have found any and everything in that house to break over that muthafuckas head.  THAT IS A CHILD.  YOUR NEPHEW NIGGA. THEN he wanted to be all butthurt and tell Charley and Nova how Ernest willed him the land.  Well great, asshole.  With what money are you going to run it?  That move was so fucking spiteful it was pathetic.  He didn’t reveal it for any other reason than to hurt the two women he FEELS are holding him back.  He didn’t choose to tell them in private, nope…he had to wait til the long suffering Darla was there with them and ONCE AGAIN manipulated the family.  He pit Darla against her employer and potential sister-n-law, Charley by insisting Darla knew about the will.  WTF was the point of that?  Darla was in a no win situation, stick with her man WHICH SHE DID, proving no good dead goes unpunished or side with her boss, thereby destroying the fragile relationship she already has to walk on eggshells to navigate.  Im sick of him.  Burn his ass down and start over! I love Queen Sugar – from the moment it came on I was hooked.  Im enjoying watching the honest portrayal of folks fairskinned, darkskinned, rich, making it, struggling loving and surviving.  Three seasons in, I’ve watched all the characters grow.  Charley went from Vanessa Bryant to creating her life on her own terms.  Darla has kicked the habit and is trying to be the best woman possible.  Aunt Vi has stopped thinking bout what it should be and is enjoying what IS. Nova has softened towards her sister in a way that warms the cackles of my dark heart and seems to be opening herself to the possibility of real love.  Hollywood ditched Maxine Shaw Attorney at Law and is 150% there