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Greenleafian Thoughts 1.13 – The Finale

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Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh, I dont know guys.  I kinda dropped the ball on these recaps, cuz I felt like after a great start the show kinda fizzled out.  After seeing the last three episodes, including the finale which I will attempt to recap – but Im warning you….you are not gonna enjoy this, cuz I didn’t enjoy the show. The opening found Mac still in jail and being visited by Passa, who must have been an active participant in his daughters molestation and subsequent suicide cuz aint NO WAY I would be visiting the man that actually did violate my child.  Mac wants Passa to be a character witness at an upcoming hearing.  THE NERVE.  Passa is incredulous that this man would even ask, but Mac reminds him, if he remains in jail, he will not be able to pay off Henry – Mac, Mavis and Mae’s dad, to keep THEIR secret a secret.  Im telling you, this has got to be the worst shit in life that Passa and Mac are hiding.  Speaking of Henry….. ….he shows up at the church and Noah stashes him outta Mae’s crosshairs long enough to tell Grace he is on the property and needs to speak with her.  He’s there looking for assistance as his meal ticket is locked up.  GG, shows some sympathy and accompanies Henry to his crib where she discovers enough medicine to, nope….no perscription drug jokes….indicate that he is terminally ill.  He needs to go straight to hospice, which she arranges for on the church’s dime.  Before he checks in and begins his final descent, Henry does manage to tell Grace that Passa and Mac’s first church burned down under suspicious circumstances decades ago. I guess Henry is safe and quiet for now….. …..which is more than we can say for Kevin.  Now that he outed himself to Charity, which you would have known had I bothered to recap, he wont stay quiet, altho he has found a safe space with his wife.  Charity sings a lovely song in church because, Winans, which seems to indicate she is gonna stand by her man after nearly pummeling him to death and putting her unborn children in jeopardy in a previous ep, that you would have known about had I bother to recap.  I digress….he still aint welcome in her bed and when he goes to her, his sad little “gay de-programming” book in hand begging for another chance, she shows the backbone we’ve been wanting her to show more and more of.  She immediately tells him it aint happening, but softens a bit when he begs….still, she wants a break, he has to go.  He understands….. …but who doesnt understand is Jacob, the Rodney Dangerfield of Memphis.  He doesnt understand, or pretends not to, why his new boss, his dad’s rival, the pastor of Triumph, Bacie Skanks (what a freaking name) wants to build a $40 million christian community center right across the street from Calvary. Um, Short Bus, let me help you out.  He hates your dad.  It’s really not that hard.  What has to be harder for you to comprehend is why, after all his mind fuckery of you, him tearing you down, building you back up, encouraging you to step out on faith, even if that means going against the family business, why your dad is now all like “Gotcha! You thought I was really sending you to work for Bacie?  My only son and my enemy?  You my eyes and ears over there boy!  Tell me everything he does.  GREENLEAF TO THE WORLD BLOW!!” Well that could be cuz, while he doesnt hate you, he def doesnt respect you and you would have never known that if you didnt step back in Calvary…. …to support your family and watch GG preach.  Yes, the girl wonder prodigy preaching machine is back in the pulpit.  GG agrees to not return to Phoenix for the summer to fight Ray for custody of the dearly departing Sophia.  She decides to stay in the family fold and preach for her dad, once he reveals to her that he has Parkinson’s disease.  I gotta tell you, unless Im misremembering, this is the first time we’ve seen GG preach, and it was extremely light-skinned.  I’ve felt more energized by State of the Union addresses and the lectures I heard in my Macro-econ class the third time I took it and finally passed..thank you very much.  She got up there and spoke frankly bout Mac and his rapey ways and they had a moment of silence for the victims.  I guess.  Hopefully im wrong and she preached before and they didnt save this medocrity for the finale.  Her sermon is so boring, she must have needed a drink to revive herself….. …and where better to get a cocktail than Mavis’s place…which is gearing up for a permanent last call.  Mac, presumably has made good on his threat to have her land appropriated and she is going out of business.  Grace stops by and Mavis reassures her she did the right thing by airing Mac out.  She warns Grace about staying close to the family and tells her what type of man Passa USED to be.  I swear for a minute I thought she was gonna reveal she used to sing “as we lay” to Passa on karaoke nights and she was GG’s real momma….but nah..just a cautionary tale.  Later, Lady Mae shows up at Mavis’s place and I grabbed my long stem Pope Wine Glass and flamed up my <redacted> prepared to watch these two tear up my screen…..turns out I was the one to tear up my screen when I threw my wine glass at it in protest.  BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING. They literally stood there and told each other how the other was to blame for what was happening in the family.  Great.  Knew yall felt that way going into it.   Thanks ladies…you can pick up your gift baskets on the way out…… Also on

Recaps

Powerful Thoughts 3.7

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  DON’T GO, Myalogists!  Im a a day late and many hundreds of millions of dollars short, but I’se here! AngeLAMEs Courtieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I’m not gonna fall for the banana in the tailpipe, Courtieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. We all  knew these fools being back in bed together was a dream, right Guys?  If it wasn’t you wouldn’t be reading this, because I would have drank some bleach, effectively ending my life and this blog.  Lets get these losers out the way.  They ain’t together, yet they both truly yearn to be back together – as evidenced by their boundary issues.  Just like any entitled negro, Jamie just walks his rusty black ass up in Angie’s apartment to get his spare murder suit, his beats earbuds and his uno cards – unannounced and using the keys he should have left when he walked out on her.  Paz rectified that matter tho.  Holla at my sister again, Imma kill your ass, oh, and run them keys playboy.  As for Angie and her habitual line crossing, she showed up at Tasha’s house AGAIN (more on that later) making threats, and then later just barged up in Jamie’s hotel room in her ultra skinny jeans, making demands.  Tell me you are Ghost.  Tell me you killed Lobos.  Tell me how you did it.  Tell me it was Ms. Scarlet in the Conservatory with the candlestick.  Ma’am.  If you think this negro never loved you as you stated, why you think he gonna help you?  I mean we all know his puss ass gonna bail you out, but why do you think he is gonna do anything for you? Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner It shole aint Sidney Poitier.  Milan aint playing no games.  Where Lobos had me laughing, Milan has my sphincter tighter than the girdle on a baptist minister’s wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast. (shouts out to Blanche Elizabeth Hollingsworth Devereaux).  I am scared of this dude.  Im scared for Jamie bout this dude.  Im not scared for Tommy, cuz he dont give a fuck bout living anyway. He wakes Jamie from his beautiful dream, to tell him to have his ass outside of Truth at a certain time.  Jamie does, with Tommy in tow.  He tells Jamie he’s gonna not pay Karen for the clubs, he’s gonna pay him for intercepting his shipment.  Jamie does. He tells Jamie to sit down at his own damn dinner table and he does.  He even got his chick feeling free to clown Jamie – in his own damn house.  Then lit up a square in what looks like a very smoke free crib.  Just damn disrespectful.  Ghost feels like he found a vulnerability in Milan – I presume it will have something to do with squares (cigarettes for my non black readers – do I have any?), since they ZOOMED in on the cancer stick, providing us with an obvious clue. Tommy Egan, of the Fuckless Egans Milan said to Tommy that although he doesnt see it, this is the best time for him to be alive.  I agree.  Tommy doesn’t give a shit about anything right now.  Basically called Ghost a bitch assed nigga for rolling over for Milan to which Ghost responded “watch your attitude Tommy” – HUUUUUUUUUH?  Ghost who the fuck are you?  His 73 year old auntie?  You not gonna give him any hard candy after church if he doesnt fix his face? Fuck outta here dude.  Your own son aint even scared of you.  Ahem…sat in Milan’s face and asked if he eats people.  Told Milan he aint killing the gun running priest just cuz he told him to and then aint kill the gun running priest.  Consistently visiting Holly and lil Hommy/Tolly’s gravesite.  Letting Milan’s goons beat the fuck out of him cuz basically living is a moot point for him right now.  Tasha in one of the most awkward reveals of all times, done told him Holly was preggo which pushes him one foot further towards the grave.  Although his fux reserves are being depleted by the second, he does manage to scrounge up one to go ask Tasha to give him the money to help pay off Milan, which she interestingly does after turning Ghost down for a loan.   He started off this episode being viewed as disposable to Milan..he ends it looking like a valuable asset to the person he calls the Serbian Hannibal Lecter. Internal Affairs Investigation Speaking of Hannibal Lecter, Agent Starling is crawling all the way up all of their asses in the State’s Attorney Office.  Told the clueless ass “NOT IN MY OFFICE ” boss the problem was indeed UP IN HIS OFFICE. Told Gregex P. Keaton, Angie aint break the law, she broke your heart.  Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  Laughed in Saxe’s face bout his outside proclivities.  Tried to hit Angie where it hurt, but Angie turned that shit right back on her ass, proving it takes a woman to handle a man, and a woman to handle another woman.  Too much estrogen, nature’s deadliest element, in the scenes with her and Angie.  Angie seems to have been cleared, but the one thing she has accomplished, along with the other members of the task force is to turn Agent Starlings focus to Jamie. Ghost got 99 probs and his bitches are 2 I’m unclear how or even if Jamie sleeps at night.  In no particular order, I present the many known and unknown problems of James St. Patrick.  Clean cash flow problems. Agent Starling looking into him.  Paz threatening to kill him. Milan period.  Tariq’s fucked up attitude. Tommy’s unhinging. Kanan’s return.  Dre’s stupidity and disloyalty. Angie demanding his help.  His inability to buy into Karens hotel’s. His poor broken heart. Tasha refusing to help him.  Did I leave anything out?  Tell me in the comments. Myalogy Minutes How does Tariq still have teeth?  Once my brother got too big, weapons were used.  Catch mama’s hand; catch this broom, muthafucka. Dre has officially earned dumbest person on the show honors.  You gonna rock

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MyMedialogy : On Consent

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Hey Guys — last week I wrote about the fervor surrounding Nate Parker, rape allegations, and acquaintane rape.  As a result, I was invited on WVON to speak about the matter…and because I know some of yall hate reading, but make an allowance for me, here is the cliff notes version. Again, let me say, I do not mean to trivialize this heinous crime.  I’m not a rape apologist nor sympathizer. Take a listen.  

Recaps

Powerful Thoughts 3.6

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At this point, even Court knows that we NEED to know why we have to keep watching these people have sex.  Luckily, it appears that we will have at least a week off from seeing Jamie shove his thumb in Angie’s mouf. Last week’s Ohshitravaganza was followed up with an equally batshit roller coaster of an episode with the hits we saw and didn’t see coming. Dr. Melfi will see you now, Tommy Dr. Phil, Iyanla, Dr. Lecter, Dr. Fink, Dr. Oz, Dr. Love, who can cure most anything, – SOMEONE is gonna have to swoop in and save Tommy, cuz it wont be his arrogant self centered ass BFF, who couldn’t see past Angie’s vag and his tailored suit collection to save his own ass. We find Tommy in bad shape this week.  He’s sleeping in his car.  Unable to enter his apartment on his own.  Staring at the spot where Holly drew her last breath. Trying to open one beer bottle with another beer bottle – he’s just a mess.  He is clearly and rightfully unable to function after murdering his true love and unbeknownst to him, their unborn child, in their home during last weeks episode.  Somehow he manages to pull it together long enough to not only formulate a plan to take out Lobos, but participate in doing so, all while appearing to be smarter than Ghost’s dumb ass.   Livin La Vida Lobos Lobos’ big day has arrived!  He done got them emancipation papers and he is being transferred to somewhere to do something that is better than where he is now, I assume.  Gregex P. Keaton is stoked to be heading the effort to move Lobos around which means it will go terribly and blow up in his face.  Oops!  I was wrong – it blew up in his chest, not his face, but not before being sexually harrassed and propositioned by Lobos. A undercover private vehicle was used to transport Lobos in an effort to throw off his associates, but it didn’t matter much due to the involvement of Agent Count Sandoval (those ears and nose are straight out of Transylvania, right?), who is always on the scene, playing both sides against the middle.  He feeds Lobos’ people all the info they need to derail the governmnent’s efforts.  Tommy is inexplicably part of the rescue team and throws out tire spikes, which causes the transport van to spin out, at which point an all out offensive attack is launched by Lobos’ crew.  Bullets start flying and landing everywhere, including Greg’s chest, which for some reason causes him to start bleeding from his mouth and writhing in pain.  This of course means that, because this is Power, he is not dead.  But he is terribly wounded, and manages to not fake dying long enough to see Lobos walk off into the escape vehicle waiting for him. Later we find him swaggering (lol – WHAT) into the office, fueled by righteous indignation and anger, screaming to anyone that will listen bout an inside job, but no one cares….Foiled again Greg! Moe, Curly and Lobos To borrow a phrase from my pal, C-line from the 9, what in the stankin fuck was that scene in the woods?  Finally, Ghost and Tommy are working together again. They have interrupted Lobos’ escape plan, and have kidnapped the person that has actively called for both of their deaths.  They have him in their clutches and all they can do is bicker, alternately call to abort the mission for equally dumb ass reasons (Angie’s trife life and whatever Tommy’s reason was), and let Lobos run off on them – while Ghost pokes Tommy in the eye and Tommy says “nyuck, nyuck, nyuck” and runs in a circle.  Are yall for fucking real?  How did these two people take over and maintain a criminal enterprise?  It’s becoming less and less believable by the episode. Lobos mindfucked them, toyed with them, ran off for what SEEMED like hours, cuz it was daylight when he left and nightfall when they found him, or should I say he found them.  Snuck up and damn near killed Ghost by choking him with the chain that connected the handcuffs he was wearing.  While watching those handcuffs tighten around Ghost’s neck, I began actively rooting for Lobos like that old lady was shouting to IceT while he was kicking Nino Browns ass…”KILL HIM!!!! KILL HIM!!!” But, kids that was not to happen – Tommy heard the struggle, knocked Lobos over the head, and freed Ghost.  Of course Ghost gave a speech before pumping him with two to the chest, which on this show means he will likely show up in next season’s season finale. Mama call him Milan, Imma call him Milan HOW amazing was this scene?  We all knew Dean, D, Deebo or whatever his fake name was, was working for someone, but we didnt quite no who.  (some folks said Lobos, which I am here to tell you fools made NO sense, cuz hello!  he was keeping Ghost alive.) Turns out the wait is over.  He is Milan, the Serbian that Vladimir warned Tommy about – the one that eats humans for fun.  The one who had his shipment of drugs intercepted by Ghost and he aint having it no more.  He walks in Jamie’s office an employee, who Jamie tries to treat like a bitch who he ain’t gotta explain shit to, and leaves out the boss of all fucking bosses, who wiped that smug James St. Patrick grin off Ghost’s face for the forseeable future.  Ghost will work for him again, sell his drugs and do his bidding cuz he has his hands in each and every aspect of Jamie’s life – “security” forces in his homes and businesses.  Of course dumb-dumbs answer for this is to kill him, but as the brilliant Tommy so succinctly tells his boy, he doesnt know shit bout Milan, down to the fact that he had

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On Consent

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This Nate Parker situation got me fucked up, yall. That was basically my first FB – where I live – post of the day.  For those that are not glued to a television nor the internet like I am, Nate Parker is an actor, who just made a highly anticipated film about Nat Turner, leader of the largest slave revolt in American history.  I was born the moment that I heard this film was being made, cuz see, I aint one for 12 years a anyfucking thing…..that turn the other cheek, this life be over soon, heaven last always, oh my laaaaaaaawd lawd lawd lawd slave movie has been done to death and it takes a toll on me.  Working where I work, I’ve learned to self-protect.  I shut down when the latest story of a baby being shot or a grandmother being burned alive airs.  I cant let that stuff in or I’d rarely do anything other than cry in a fetal position.  But those are stories I have to be aware of because of the nature of my work – I have to be exposed to them.  But asking me to pay $15 bucks to go see my people suffering – beaten, isolated, raped, tortured – NOT HAPPENING.  So thank you Hollywood, but no thank you.  But this IS gonna be different.  This is a story of slaves not depending on the lord that was bestowed upon them, this is them taking matters into their own hands…and I got way more than $15 for that. I may even take a date or 5. Then the story of an ugly ugly chapter in Nate’s history was revealed.  It was always there for the world to see….he himself said he didn’t remove it from his Wiki page – the story of how he found/placed himself at the center of a rape case for which he was acquitted.  A co-defendant was found guilty and served time.  We, being the public and Nate, recently found out that the woman who was violated, tragically committed suicide, having never healed from the effects of the criminal case. This is a horrible situation and it raises hella questions.  Do we still support?  Do we boycott?  Why is this not new information being publicized now?   Is this because he’s married to a white woman?  Why wasn’t his statement meatier?  Why didnt he just admit guilt?  Why didnt he say he was sorry? Why? For me, it raised a different question……one that speaks to the original act, because the only thing that is certain in this case, is that no one is certain of what happened in this case, possibly not even the participants. It is reported that Nate was acquitted in part due to the fact that he had a consensual relationship with the woman.  I’m struggling to write this, so bear with me…understanding that this article contains possible triggers. Acquaintance rape can be the most gray of gray areas. As I sit and wrestle with my friends, my thoughts, my heart and my brain, I know that what I just typed is fact. I sat with a room full of intelligent, accomplished women from all walks of life and economic levels – our one shared trait, our womanhood and the one thing that we could agree on was the fact that we all had been passively raped, for lack of ANY better term.  That space where you are with someone, someone you may or may not know, alcohol or drugs could be involved, where things are getting heavy….and maybe you didn’t exactly want it to get heavy as he obviously does, but you are now hesitant and scared…..scared that if you stop, he wont like you anymore; he will get angry and leave; he wont talk to you anymore; and scariest of all, he wont stop and the passive rape becomes an actual one. So you just let it wash over you…. Strong and badass as I can be perceived to be, I didn’t come out the womb this way….it took years of me developing a coat of armor with which to defend myself against the world.  And some of that armor developed as a result of being passively raped. I have been passively raped. Have you? Have you passively raped someone?  Would you know if you did? You don’t have to answer those questions obviously, but perhaps you should consider them.  And PERHAPS, PERHAPS you should really consider them when you go about assigning guilt or innocence, and sentencing Mr. Parker by deciding whether or not to go see a film that marks an important point in our history at an important time in our history, based on what the 35 year old creator did at the age of 19. It wont be the end of the world, if you choose not to see it or if you have your own personal reasons and experiences for being unable to support this film.  I think we all have more pressing concerns on a macro and micro level. To the survivors, I mean no offense, no trivialization of the most heinous thing that can happen to a woman.  What happened to you is not your fault.  It does not define you.  And don’t you let it.  If you need some help, help is available. https://centers.rainn.org/ UPDATED:  the following is a transcript of a phone call between Nate and his accuser.  Shows just how gray this whole situation is. https://pmcdeadline2.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/callexcerpt-wm.pdf

Recaps

Powerful Thoughts 3.5

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Help me. That’s the name of the episode that reassured us that life is indeed a crystal stair.  But, we got dragged across all the tacks, splinters, torn up boards and places with no carpet before we received help in the form of our beautiful new stair case  aka the death of a despised character.  I’m writing this a full 24 hours after first watching this week’s edition, which is a good and bad thing.  Bad because some of the raw emotion I felt and lines of comedic gold have dissipated due to repeated viewings and all the B.A.N.s (think about it) who couldn’t resist spoiling it for those who hadn’t seen it yet.  Good because had I written it immediately, it would have read: OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! And that doesn’t seem interesting for a reader at all. 1.  The Family That Does Blow Together…. ….shares gross inappropriate kisses together.  BARF. KATE’S BACK Y’ALL.  And if ya didn’t know, or remember, Tommy is fucking his mother.  No silly, not like Boardwalk Empire’s Jimmy Darmondy, but like Kate and Holly are the same fucking person. Seeing them sit side by side – one the run down, years of hard living version of the other –  gave me the shakes. She arrived on the scene and quickly assessed, what we all knew – Holly ain’t (wasn’t – lol) shit.  Kate came on in and made herself at home, demanding money, coke and food, all the while opening her son’s nose in the correct way, reminding him that most of his life, only one person has been in his corner…Ghost.  Proving that he is the ultimate momma’s boy, he also took a bit of Kate’s advice to heart……when she told him to “get rid” of Holly.  I don’t think I’m overstating the case to say this was the BEST use of a rarely seen character ever. She drove this plot MILES forward. 2.  Everytime Kanan Laughs a Baby Gets Its Wings I think this was my first OH SHIT moment of the episode. Kanan done made it back to NYC – geared up, fresh lining, fresh timbs.  And his time with Juicebox seems to have softened him – not in the “im not killing people anymore” way, but in the “im gonna think about and plan out killing people before I kill people” type of way. He popped up in Dre’s crib, making it clear that Dre is still his bitch, and will continue to be his bitch and if he doesn’t want to be his bitch or even thinks about not being his bitch, SHIT IF HE DREAMS ABOUT NOT BEING HIS BITCH, his daughter’s ability to fly will be explored.  Yep.  Lil momma going straight out the window. Kanan already killed his own son for picking Ghost over him, which sent Dre running to Ghost in the first place. At this point, if Dre does not run DIRECTLY to Ghost, he will have surpassed Ghost as the reigning dumbest person on the show.  There is NO other out for him. 3.  Angelames When are these people gonna break the hell up already? Court, I thought we talked about boring sad sex last week….and you make us watch that again?  OH GAWD.  Kill me.  No, kill them.  This relationship is a shit show.  To his credit, Ghost keeps trying to stay with this chick, going so far as to contact Attorney Turtle to draw up separation papers for Tasha as a sign of good faith that he is serious about Angela.  (bad idea, table for one!)  No sooner than Turtle told Vinny he was back gonna be back out east a little longer helping out  a friend from the neighborhood, he saw Federal Witness Ruiz just STROLLING thru the fed joint, with the feds, including Angela.  To Angie’s credit, she did tell Jamie before he even got a chance to ask her about it.  At which point, she was asked to subjugate herself, her morals and her career yet again, which she does.  She goes to Ruiz, starts speakin da Spanglish to him about honor and reminding him of his obligation to Ghost.  Ruiz processes this conversation with equal parts “fuck that witch” and “fuck she’s right” and refuses to name Ghost as a member of the network, much to Greg’s chagrin. How this relationship has not buckled under the weight of resentment and obligation, I’m not sure. But, I’m sure it will. 4.  How is Ghost Not Dead? Cuz he’s the star of the show stupid! But forrealz…..the failed attempt on his life was part of the best sequence of scenes I’ve seen on television in quite some time.  Ghost is riding in the car with Tariq, when he HEARS someone rear end him.  Now, if a rear ending can be heard over loud music and conversation, then Im sure it can be felt, but hey…I just write a blog, not a tv show, so who the hell am I? What I do know, is whoever directed this episode should have written a huge fat check to Tarentino, cuz the framing, pacing, shot selection, effects were all AMAZING.  LAWD.  This was my second OH SHIT moment of the episode.  Ghost jumps out the car, and is met by two Jamaicans, dispatched by Holly, who have the BIGGEST guns I have ever seen in my life, which they hold as props while using their deadliest weapon: THEIR WITHERING STARES.  Clearly no one has ever told them that if you “Study long, you study wrong” cuz while they were studying Ghost, his security detail fell thru guns blazing…..slo mo bullets, explosive blood spatter….and telling Ghost to get the fuck outta there while they clear the scene.  My body was so TIGHT

Recaps

Greenleafian Thoughts 1.10

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YO! I’ve been watching Greenleaf.  I think you should too.  If you are already watching, yay!  KEEP READING.  YOU IS SMART! YOU IS KIND!  YOU IS…wait…wrong black woman.  This is an Ofrey joint…not a Viola one. If you are not, walk with me, wontcha?  Let’s go out the door and you can come back when you’ve caught up.  Still here?  LETS GO! Greenleaf is the story of a southern black mega church family dealing with themes common in the black community – infidelity, closeted homosexuality, incest, rape, teen drug use, suicide, police brutality, and ignit assed mommas.  Actually, that makes it an All American story…and not just a black one.  Grace “GG” Greenleaf is our protagonist here, the prodigal daughter instead of son.  A talented preacha since birth apparently, (altho I dont think anyone other than Jeremiah  Wright could be that light skinnded and still be able to bring down the house.  I like my passas blue black), GG left the family fold after uncovering some horrible family secrets,  and became a journalist.  She returned to the family, much to the chagrin of her mom, to hold some feets to the fire and get some justice against those who have  brought harm to  her family, namely, the suicide of her sister Faith.      This beautiful muthafucka here….Lynn Whitfield is doing the DAMNDEST thang as “Lady” Mae Greenleaf, HBIC of the Greenleaf family and first lady of the Calvary churchhouse.  She  is FIERCELY protective of her husband, Bishop Greenleaf, who I will be referring to as “Passa” for obvious reasons, her brother Mac, and all of her dark skinned children.  She  hates Grace in a way you have to see to believe.     Keith David or David Keith, whatevs….he is MY DUDE since the getback. And this man is matching La Whitfield note for note on this show.  Head of the family and the church, Bishop James Greenleaf,  SEEMS to be a righteous man, with a heart of gold.  He is passionate about his flock, and equally as passionate about living a grand, austere life.  He, unlike his wife, is TOTALLY devoted to Grace and is over the moon about her return to the flock.  However, his finances, freedom and health are under attack.       This piece of shit is Robert “Mac” McCready, brother of Lady Mae and whatever Oprah’s characters name is, money man of the church, RKelly fan, Bill Cosby enthusiast,  Subway devotee and the man who is pretty  much responsible for Faith’s suicide, due to the fact that he doesn’t understand that you should really not rape people; you should really especially not rape lil girls; and you should super really especially not rape lil girls related to you.       Requisite weak ineffective marginalized black man – CHECK.  This is Jacob.  He is ruled by his mom.  He is ruled by his dad.  He is ruled by his wife.  He is ruled by his dick.  Had his preaching powers stripped once his affair with a white chick was revealed – by his wife.  Although I think it had more to do with GG coming home, than his affair.       Whats a requisite weak ineffective marginalized black man without a shrill, cold, aggrieved, power hungry black woman?  Enter Kerissa Greenleaf, wife, mother, bitch,  Spelman grad.  I present that last descriptor without commentary.  #CAU  She wants her man to be so much more than he even thinks he can be and SHOCK, she hates GG.       This is baby sis Charity Greenleaf Satterlee, played by a Winans, so sanging scenes are mandatory.  Largely dismissed by her entire family, even when she has something of worth to say. She somehow got pregnant by her husband, Kevin, a man more interested in Grindr, the new male homeless shelter director and every human with a penis than her. Here he is, doing what he does most of the time when he is not ogling hot guys and staring wistfully off into the distance.      And just to make sure #teamlightskin goals are met, this slice of melba toast is Noah.  Head of Security at the Church.  He is currently engaged to some chick, but crazy in love with GG, who left him when the rainbow wasn’t enuff.  He is helping her to take down Mac. He also just broke down and gave her the hot beef injection.  He is hella lame to me. But I like my melanin challenged men with some scars or something.  He has as much flavor as one of those white people fried chicken du jour places that are springing up all over Chicago. OH SNAP, how I forget Movah?  Ofrey guest stars as Mavis McCready, despised enemy of her sister Mae and brother Mac, doting aunt to GG, and the one to put a battery in her back to get her to come back home to Memphis to bring down Mac, who she been knew aint right.  She owns a blues lounge in Memphis and rocks a mean crochet job. These are the kids –  Zora, Jacob’s daughter and Sophia, GG’s daughter.  They are cute.  They are intelligent.  They do typical teenaged shit – like snort Adderall and sneak out the crib. And surprisingly they do not get on my nerves. Imma move on, cuz the intro was kinda long this week, and this wasn’t the best show (it was kinda slow) to kickoff the recaps, but hey…..ya get what ya get. Myalogy Minutes: Passa done shot Mac IN DA CHURCHHOUSE, cuz GG told him bout how he molested Faith.  Dont worry tho…sadly the bullet went straight thru, so Mac aint gonna die. BUT, Mac is going to jail on molestation charges and he said if he go, Passa going with him….dun dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.   GG called the cops anyway even tho both Passa and Mac asked her not to.  Cue, passa walkin out in cuffs.  Cue Lady Mae cutting the hell out of GG with her

Recaps

Powerful Thoughts 3.4

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Hey y’all, Hey! Today we will be headed into heretofore unchartered territory here at Myalogy:  TV RECAPS.  I know….earthshattering. First up is the show that real tv connoisseurs were excited about prior to its premiere and the one the rest of y’all started watching at the end of season one after Taraji and Lightskin Lunatic got y’all amped then went on summer vacation, at which point you binge watched the season, then walked into every black gathering everywhere armed with the question: Y’ALL WATCH POWER?  Followed with the inevitable:  ITS WAY BETTER THAN EMPIRE!!!! As if…. Here we are 4 eps into the season and I have thoughts in no particular order. 1.  Why is Ghost so fucking dumb with this Andre thing? Ghost can be an incredible dude.  We’ve seen him get out of some tight jams up until this point.  He is so smart, sometimes I don’t even know what he is doing (anyone know why kantos was fired? make it go down in my dm then).  The way he outsmarted Stern and attempted to get rid of his network was brilliant.  Leaving someone that tried to kill you alive, wasnt the smartest thing, but hey…..my dating history speaks to the fact that bad choices happen to smart people….ahem.  But this Dre thing?  Why is he trying to wife a hoodrat?  He raised his last protege from a pup and Sean still turned on him.  What makes him think Dre, who worked for Kanan is gonna be any different?  Nword keeps telling you and showing you he bout dat life, which you keep trying to talk him out of.  Fuck dre…let him hang out in the bbq spot……who you need to be trying to cuff is……. 2.  HOLLY, THE BEAST. This is who Ghost should want on the team.  She is one of the few people on this show that unapologetically makes moves in her best interest.  I want those earrings, I’m taking them.  Mr. St. Patrick? HA, Fuck you!  You Ghost to me, fool.  She is seemingly the only person in her house that knows that Lobos intends to kill her and her manse, and she’s like “FUCK DAT.  He dont wanna kill his boy so we can live?  Like the dog aint already dead?  Cool.  “Bae, im running to the store for some milk and cookies, BRB”  Mama headed right on down to the Jamaicans, put the money on the table, took out a pic of Ghost and said “Finish HIM.”  I aint mad…… 3.  Y’all think y’all want a Michelle, but y’all really want a Candie. Hey Girlfrands! Any of yall riding for your manse the way Candie rides for Jukebox?  I know I ain’t.  She be frying shit in booty shorts risking grease burns. Drugging fools.  Fucking fools. Nursing fools. Healing the hands of fools.  And letting fools get her off without vomiting….all while having Asperger’s Syndrome.  (I know Im not the only one that thinks she is a highly functioning mentally handicapped person. I just know it. Something is very off about her. )  She will do all of that, while still staying firmly #teamjukebox And some of y’alls chicks were actively planning to leave y’all for Mr. Steal Your Grandma. 4. Jamesgela is so soul crushing now. Boring sex.  Them both saying “I had good intentions” regarding her going to see Tasha/Him paying her rent – the height of passive aggressiveness, which can be the death knell of a relationship.  Boring family dinners.  Monotone voices. “Remember when” conversations, which Tony Sopranro smartly said are the lowest form of coversation.  Her own admission that they weren’t gonna make it.  Him non-convincingly reassuring her that they would.  Ugh….please.  Him calling Tash HIS WIFE in an argument- HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.  They are a prime example of the saying “cheating ain’t no fun, when you ain’t got nobody to cheat on.”  He will be back between Tash’s legs before this season is over.  Bet dat. 5.  I’m surprised I can see after all this horrid sex. COURTNEY KEMP.  Ms. Kemp.  Courtney.  Court – Im a Court too, so I feel I can call you that.  I dont ever wanna see 50’s dick again.  Not a shadow of it.  Not its imprint.  Not just the tip.  Not nothing.  Dont do that. Ever.  Dishonorable mention:  Holly and Tommy….the only time Tommy seems to know he is in danger is when he’s inside Holly.  That was some seriously depressing sex.  That coke fueled threesome Tommy had when Holly left him that time, MORE OF THAT. Musings….. HE just entered the room as Holly and Tommy are fucking and exclaims:  SHE IS SO FUCKIN UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  #baeissmart What made Angie go to that womans house? “You gonna be doing for Ghost the rest of your life.” – HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, snaps for the Kid! I hate Greg and I wanna punch his douchey ass face, but he’s right to wanna destroy them. OINTB lady! 50cent looks so handsome….with that mask covering his face RIP lil black boy…even Stevie Wonder saw that coming Shouts out to Jukebox saying the white boys did it! Jamie got a snapchizzle yall! #followhim Keisha, last season you creamed all over yourself when Tasha told the story bout how she hid a gun for Jamie when they first started dating..now you scared of guns?  Park it, Thotyanna. Ghost aint never got time to have the right conversation Crooked Priest, God only cares about one commandment, but you never said what it was.  How me and Tommy gonna get into heaven now? Ghost is a magical negro.  He can show up and take out two assassins with two shots, run back to the club, change into a suit, pop some Effen and never break a sweat.  Jesse did say black people were magic. Joakim Noah done took up actin yall!             SEE YA NEXT WEEK. 

Uncategorized

Hair’em Scarem!

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Are you there Tamron? Its Me, Mya.  How you let dis happen? Yesterday – August 3rd.  In the year of all our lords.  Two Thousand and Sixteen years after the alleged birth of Christ, something so nefarious happened it moved my soul to write. The former rating behemoth, The Today Show showed why Good Morning America reg-lah-lee whups that trick.  The hiring of my imaginary BFF Tamron and the decision to let Hoda and Kathie Lee get blasted that last hour notwithstanding, its kinda a shit show.  And Im not just saying that because someone near and dear to me works at GMA.  Want proof?  Say no more. Someone over there, a segment producer that should be out of work today, booked an alleged style expert, one Deepica Mutyala, to do one minute hair styles for summer. What I am about to show you shook me to my core.  If you are sensitive to offensive images, have a light stomach, have an aversion to Columbusing, or are just sick and tired of being sick and tired about others having a hand in our literal heads, then leave now, cuz when you get ill, you will not sue me. This lovely beautiful bright eyed black woman walked into The Today Show looking like this:   and left looking like this:     Watch this assault go down here.  Pay especially close attention to the part at the end when Savannah tells the model that “it helps to be gorgeous.” No Savannah.  No. It doesn’t help at all. If y’all know anyone at the Today Show that can get me paid to come on to talk about life as a rich white woman or an eyewitness to the Kennedy assassination, let me know. UPDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE: Here is the young models response: Malyia McNaughton: “Hi everyone! I’m the black model from the Today shows summer hairstyles segment. Deepica practiced several times on my hair with the style and I loved it. As most of you may be aware natural hair reacts to the environment and without being allowed tools or products the final result didn’t turn out like the way we intended. I say all that to say I was honored when asked to be a model. And even more grateful to be a visual representation for women that look like me. I am thankful to Deepica and the producers for including diversity in the segment. I would not hesitate to be on another show or segment including hair. This was a dream come true to be on national TV for the first time. Deepica is a sweetheart and I look forward to working with her again. Sending good vibes.” hahahahahahahahahahahahaha: This is how this girl walks around everyday: Exhibit A: SHE BAD   Exhibit B: HEY CUTIE PIE   Exhibit C – infinity:   LOOK!  Curls that dont look like they have been thru a weed whacker!   And im posed to think she was okay with what happened to her? Some women love protecting their abusers.

Uncategorized

Melania See, Melania Do

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RNC is going down in the town of Cleveland.  I think most of us thinking folks expected nothing of worth or note to occur.  Racism, racism, hillary is a liar, barack aint do shit, racism and just for good measure, a little more racism.  A list of “why the fuck would anyone wanna hear their thoughts” speakers was released: Chaci “the former first lady, future president is a cunt” Baio  (note: hey tam, I see you girl!  Do WERK.) Duck Dynasty “my dad said youre a fag in public, I just say it in private” Dude Steve “only white people accomplish great things” King Rick “i cant think of the third agency I will close when elected president” Perry This dude who had a problem with Michelle Obama wanting children to have healthy lunches instead of ones that will make them look like him: Antonio Sabato Jr. who revealed himself to be the walking embodiment of the phrase “just another pretty face” when he opined on how Barack Obama must be a muslim, because his name doesnt sound Christian, while ignoring the fact that Sabato doesnt sound American, which means he….must….not….be….. and Melania, long suffering wife of the inexplicable Republican nominee, who has done and said everything on Earth to get racist white folks and mouth breathers to not vote for him.  I wasnt expecting much.  Just another boring vanilla speech, with coded language about making America great again.  And I was right.  It was a boring assed speech.  Ill tell you this about me:  I HATE SPEECHES.  You have about 5 minutes of talking to me before I zone out.  I’ve gotten through exactly zero State of The Unions during Black Jesus’s tenure and he is an ORATOR!  I struggled mightily thru his first speech on race, which was important, and I retained most of it – amazingly.  Melania gives her speech, and by now you know it was nothing short of amazing.  Not cuz it was amazing, but because she stole portions of it from Mrs. Michelle Obama’s address to the 2008 DNC.  Yeah, she pulled it and we gave her what she was looking for.  The interwebz can be a magical place.  The day after Jay got kungfu’d in the elevator was a particularly amazing time.  Zola’s prostitution whore roadtrip.  Harambe’s unfortunate end.  How we made Jordans crying face more famous than his last shot, when he pushed off ol boy.  Aaaaaah, good times.  Melania got dragged, pushed, pulled, ran over, left for dead, edges ripped out, backed over for good measure and then euthanized – rightfully so.  I’ve been saying Donald doesnt want to be president, and to put that child out on the world stage speaking someone else’s words speaks strongly to my point.  She said she wrote it, knowing full well she didnt, but even if she did, she’s shouldnt have been left alone to do that, being that this is a PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN AND NOT EVEN PRESIDENT WRITE THEIR OWN SPEECHES, but whatevs…..she’s not the only phony in the family…there is one way more nefarious than she, and that person, is her husband. Walk with me children…to a simpler time, when her husband wasnt primed to torch the entire earth literally.  Back to 1991, when he was still The Donald, real estate magnate du jour, but ever as thin skinned, phony, bombastic and ego driven as he is now.  He was kinda being raked over the coals due to his marriage ending affair with Marla Maples.  A reporter from People Magazine reached out to this fool and he had his publicist, a one “John Miller” return the call.  John Miller told the reporter, he was new to the Trump organization and would do what he could to answer her questions.  Apparently he worked with a man named John Barron, who was well known to Washington Post and NY Times reporters covering the Trump beat.  Mr. Barron, had been working with the media for years, touting Donalds successes and his friendships with celebrities. Nothing wrong with that.  A magnate should have publicists bigging them up, singing their praises, doing damage control…..only one problem, and it was a problem both John Miller and John Barron had in common: THEY WERE BOTH DONALD TRUMP.   Dont believe me?  Take a listen.     This fool lowered his voice two registers and pretended someone other than himself, y’all. She just stole words….he stole a whole persona – a couple of them actually.  

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