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PASTY WHITE BUTT SEX. Courtney, didn’t we have a conversation about making us watch these sad barftastic vomitorius sex scenes?  Two weeks after you save us from Holly’s bony white ass, we gotta see Gregex P. Keaton’s bony white ass? Clearly further re-direction is needed. Let’s talk soon. With the season coming to a too soon close, all hell is continuing to break loose and all the characters are telling each other to do the last thing they should do – “trust me”, the title of this episode. These people are keeping MORE secrets from each other, secrets that would likely make things much easier and safer for all involved parties, but this is a show about allegedly smart people doing very dumb things.  That being said…lets get the boring shit out the way, huh? AngeLAMEs These two assholes are still in each other’s orbit and why shouldn’t they be? He’s following her around like a lil bitch.  Crying when he sees her at Greg’s crib. She’s still showing up at Tasha’s house, trying to question her about what she does with her husband.  Can we take a pause for me to tell you how out her lights would have been the first time she came to my crib?  They finally come face to face in a who gives a fuck scene that is totally unnoteworthy until it is revealed that she is wearing a wire to build the case against Ghost that she would never tell anyone about cuz she too dickwhipped to see him suffer.  He is equally pussywhipped and is willing to betray those closest to him to make sure she is safe, which honestly, HE SHOULD.  This lady has give up so much for this relationshiT….her freedom shouldn’t be at risk. She seemingly knows this and will do what she can to save herself without sacrificing Jamie.  She is desperate to get Agent Starling and her ilk off her trail, so she goes to Gregex to show him she’s been investigating Jamie.  She shows him footage of Jamie at the hotel the time Lobos was killed (do we know that he’s dead?) and tells him how cold she is now that its apparent Jamie used her while reconciling with his wife.  This leads Greg to comfort his former lover with his penis and leads her to believe she has neutralized Greg.  But like all men, once they get that release, the blood rushes back to other essential muscles and he aint going…soon as he rolls over and farts he sends a text to someone telling them that Angie is def involved in the Lobos fuck up. Sad trombone Angie….you got ran thru, had to look at a pic of BAE while getting sad, powerless thrusts from Boo and he STILL don’t trust you.  While there is a contest over the dumbest person on the show, there isnt one for the biggest loser….its habitually YOU. Milan to the right of them, Milan to the left them… Much like them cannons Lord Tennyson spoke of, Milan is fucking everywhere.  In his own warehouse waking Tommy from a beatdown induced sleep; in Tasha and Keisha’s shop – threatening to expose Tasha and scaring Keisha into making unnecessary noise when she should be frozen with fear; in Truth somehow making Jamie SAT DOWN in what appears to be the tightest suit in his collection, and most importantly, in between Ghost and Tommy.  He’s having Tommy call Primera meetings in Truth behind Jamie’s back, tempting Tommy with a life of no obligation to anyone (except him of course), offering to share his people porridge, just doing it all! He’s gonna have them walking around in them Diddy/Mase #1/#2 jerseys in just one minute.  In a serious role reversal, Milan has Tommy hold and conduct the Primera meeting, where he gives a rousing GMoney speech bout how pills are the future, and they will now all be pushing pills in addition to dope.  They all initially balk and start swinging dicks bout how aint nobody gonna tell them what to sell, but a quick hit to Asian Primera’s main vein and his subsequent death changes all of their tunes….everyone is on deck – including the freshly returned to power Ruiz and that dumb ass hat of his.  Pills for EVERYONE! My mama aint raise no dummy, but Tariq’s mama did. The game of dummy’s got a brand new front runner this week.  Although Ghost and Dre continue to be very strong contenders, Tariq has entered the contest and is off to a rousing start.  This boy…whoe seems old enough to tie his own shoes and is brave enough to stand in his dad’s face shitting on his choices and his sidebitch, is somehow not smart enough to not tell a total stranger, where he goes to school, what time he gets out of school, his dad’s social security number, where his mom gets her shitty closures from, nor recognize stranger danger when he sees it.  Kanan pops up on the scene where Dre has taken Tariq to play ball and starts to endear himself to the young man – being overly complimentary and asking too many fucking questions.  Watching this scene made me immediately think of the XXL cover with 50 caressing Soulja Boy, both of them slathered in Johnson’s Baby Oil Gel.  I was so scared that man was gonna kiss that lil boy in his mouth, I swear I was.  Kanan, who never saw a line he wasnt eager to cross, kicks it up a notch, showing up at Tariq’s school, goading the lil boy to defy his father and take a trip  to the hood with him.  This dumb ass not only goes, but starts drinking lean, OUT THE SAME STRAW WITH A TOTAL STRANGER!!!!  Who does that?  I mean kids are dumb…but you aint gotta be dumb and gross Tariq…at least raise the lid and drink straight out the cup!  A co-worker once tried to give me some

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh, I dont know guys.  I kinda dropped the ball on these recaps, cuz I felt like after a great start the show kinda fizzled out.  After seeing the last three episodes, including the finale which I will attempt to recap – but Im warning you….you are not gonna enjoy this, cuz I didn’t enjoy the show. The opening found Mac still in jail and being visited by Passa, who must have been an active participant in his daughters molestation and subsequent suicide cuz aint NO WAY I would be visiting the man that actually did violate my child.  Mac wants Passa to be a character witness at an upcoming hearing.  THE NERVE.  Passa is incredulous that this man would even ask, but Mac reminds him, if he remains in jail, he will not be able to pay off Henry – Mac, Mavis and Mae’s dad, to keep THEIR secret a secret.  Im telling you, this has got to be the worst shit in life that Passa and Mac are hiding.  Speaking of Henry….. ….he shows up at the church and Noah stashes him outta Mae’s crosshairs long enough to tell Grace he is on the property and needs to speak with her.  He’s there looking for assistance as his meal ticket is locked up.  GG, shows some sympathy and accompanies Henry to his crib where she discovers enough medicine to, nope….no perscription drug jokes….indicate that he is terminally ill.  He needs to go straight to hospice, which she arranges for on the church’s dime.  Before he checks in and begins his final descent, Henry does manage to tell Grace that Passa and Mac’s first church burned down under suspicious circumstances decades ago. I guess Henry is safe and quiet for now….. …..which is more than we can say for Kevin.  Now that he outed himself to Charity, which you would have known had I bothered to recap, he wont stay quiet, altho he has found a safe space with his wife.  Charity sings a lovely song in church because, Winans, which seems to indicate she is gonna stand by her man after nearly pummeling him to death and putting her unborn children in jeopardy in a previous ep, that you would have known about had I bother to recap.  I digress….he still aint welcome in her bed and when he goes to her, his sad little “gay de-programming” book in hand begging for another chance, she shows the backbone we’ve been wanting her to show more and more of.  She immediately tells him it aint happening, but softens a bit when he begs….still, she wants a break, he has to go.  He understands….. …but who doesnt understand is Jacob, the Rodney Dangerfield of Memphis.  He doesnt understand, or pretends not to, why his new boss, his dad’s rival, the pastor of Triumph, Bacie Skanks (what a freaking name) wants to build a $40 million christian community center right across the street from Calvary. Um, Short Bus, let me help you out.  He hates your dad.  It’s really not that hard.  What has to be harder for you to comprehend is why, after all his mind fuckery of you, him tearing you down, building you back up, encouraging you to step out on faith, even if that means going against the family business, why your dad is now all like “Gotcha! You thought I was really sending you to work for Bacie?  My only son and my enemy?  You my eyes and ears over there boy!  Tell me everything he does.  GREENLEAF TO THE WORLD BLOW!!” Well that could be cuz, while he doesnt hate you, he def doesnt respect you and you would have never known that if you didnt step back in Calvary…. …to support your family and watch GG preach.  Yes, the girl wonder prodigy preaching machine is back in the pulpit.  GG agrees to not return to Phoenix for the summer to fight Ray for custody of the dearly departing Sophia.  She decides to stay in the family fold and preach for her dad, once he reveals to her that he has Parkinson’s disease.  I gotta tell you, unless Im misremembering, this is the first time we’ve seen GG preach, and it was extremely light-skinned.  I’ve felt more energized by State of the Union addresses and the lectures I heard in my Macro-econ class the third time I took it and finally passed..thank you very much.  She got up there and spoke frankly bout Mac and his rapey ways and they had a moment of silence for the victims.  I guess.  Hopefully im wrong and she preached before and they didnt save this medocrity for the finale.  Her sermon is so boring, she must have needed a drink to revive herself….. …and where better to get a cocktail than Mavis’s place…which is gearing up for a permanent last call.  Mac, presumably has made good on his threat to have her land appropriated and she is going out of business.  Grace stops by and Mavis reassures her she did the right thing by airing Mac out.  She warns Grace about staying close to the family and tells her what type of man Passa USED to be.  I swear for a minute I thought she was gonna reveal she used to sing “as we lay” to Passa on karaoke nights and she was GG’s real momma….but nah..just a cautionary tale.  Later, Lady Mae shows up at Mavis’s place and I grabbed my long stem Pope Wine Glass and flamed up my <redacted> prepared to watch these two tear up my screen…..turns out I was the one to tear up my screen when I threw my wine glass at it in protest.  BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING. They literally stood there and told each other how the other was to blame for what was happening in the family.  Great.  Knew yall felt that way going into it.   Thanks ladies…you can pick up your gift baskets on the way out…… Also on

  DON’T GO, Myalogists!  Im a a day late and many hundreds of millions of dollars short, but I’se here! AngeLAMEs Courtieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I’m not gonna fall for the banana in the tailpipe, Courtieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. We all  knew these fools being back in bed together was a dream, right Guys?  If it wasn’t you wouldn’t be reading this, because I would have drank some bleach, effectively ending my life and this blog.  Lets get these losers out the way.  They ain’t together, yet they both truly yearn to be back together – as evidenced by their boundary issues.  Just like any entitled negro, Jamie just walks his rusty black ass up in Angie’s apartment to get his spare murder suit, his beats earbuds and his uno cards – unannounced and using the keys he should have left when he walked out on her.  Paz rectified that matter tho.  Holla at my sister again, Imma kill your ass, oh, and run them keys playboy.  As for Angie and her habitual line crossing, she showed up at Tasha’s house AGAIN (more on that later) making threats, and then later just barged up in Jamie’s hotel room in her ultra skinny jeans, making demands.  Tell me you are Ghost.  Tell me you killed Lobos.  Tell me how you did it.  Tell me it was Ms. Scarlet in the Conservatory with the candlestick.  Ma’am.  If you think this negro never loved you as you stated, why you think he gonna help you?  I mean we all know his puss ass gonna bail you out, but why do you think he is gonna do anything for you? Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner It shole aint Sidney Poitier.  Milan aint playing no games.  Where Lobos had me laughing, Milan has my sphincter tighter than the girdle on a baptist minister’s wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast. (shouts out to Blanche Elizabeth Hollingsworth Devereaux).  I am scared of this dude.  Im scared for Jamie bout this dude.  Im not scared for Tommy, cuz he dont give a fuck bout living anyway. He wakes Jamie from his beautiful dream, to tell him to have his ass outside of Truth at a certain time.  Jamie does, with Tommy in tow.  He tells Jamie he’s gonna not pay Karen for the clubs, he’s gonna pay him for intercepting his shipment.  Jamie does. He tells Jamie to sit down at his own damn dinner table and he does.  He even got his chick feeling free to clown Jamie – in his own damn house.  Then lit up a square in what looks like a very smoke free crib.  Just damn disrespectful.  Ghost feels like he found a vulnerability in Milan – I presume it will have something to do with squares (cigarettes for my non black readers – do I have any?), since they ZOOMED in on the cancer stick, providing us with an obvious clue. Tommy Egan, of the Fuckless Egans Milan said to Tommy that although he doesnt see it, this is the best time for him to be alive.  I agree.  Tommy doesn’t give a shit about anything right now.  Basically called Ghost a bitch assed nigga for rolling over for Milan to which Ghost responded “watch your attitude Tommy” – HUUUUUUUUUH?  Ghost who the fuck are you?  His 73 year old auntie?  You not gonna give him any hard candy after church if he doesnt fix his face? Fuck outta here dude.  Your own son aint even scared of you.  Ahem…sat in Milan’s face and asked if he eats people.  Told Milan he aint killing the gun running priest just cuz he told him to and then aint kill the gun running priest.  Consistently visiting Holly and lil Hommy/Tolly’s gravesite.  Letting Milan’s goons beat the fuck out of him cuz basically living is a moot point for him right now.  Tasha in one of the most awkward reveals of all times, done told him Holly was preggo which pushes him one foot further towards the grave.  Although his fux reserves are being depleted by the second, he does manage to scrounge up one to go ask Tasha to give him the money to help pay off Milan, which she interestingly does after turning Ghost down for a loan.   He started off this episode being viewed as disposable to Milan..he ends it looking like a valuable asset to the person he calls the Serbian Hannibal Lecter. Internal Affairs Investigation Speaking of Hannibal Lecter, Agent Starling is crawling all the way up all of their asses in the State’s Attorney Office.  Told the clueless ass “NOT IN MY OFFICE ” boss the problem was indeed UP IN HIS OFFICE. Told Gregex P. Keaton, Angie aint break the law, she broke your heart.  Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  Laughed in Saxe’s face bout his outside proclivities.  Tried to hit Angie where it hurt, but Angie turned that shit right back on her ass, proving it takes a woman to handle a man, and a woman to handle another woman.  Too much estrogen, nature’s deadliest element, in the scenes with her and Angie.  Angie seems to have been cleared, but the one thing she has accomplished, along with the other members of the task force is to turn Agent Starlings focus to Jamie. Ghost got 99 probs and his bitches are 2 I’m unclear how or even if Jamie sleeps at night.  In no particular order, I present the many known and unknown problems of James St. Patrick.  Clean cash flow problems. Agent Starling looking into him.  Paz threatening to kill him. Milan period.  Tariq’s fucked up attitude. Tommy’s unhinging. Kanan’s return.  Dre’s stupidity and disloyalty. Angie demanding his help.  His inability to buy into Karens hotel’s. His poor broken heart. Tasha refusing to help him.  Did I leave anything out?  Tell me in the comments. Myalogy Minutes How does Tariq still have teeth?  Once my brother got too big, weapons were used.  Catch mama’s hand; catch this broom, muthafucka. Dre has officially earned dumbest person on the show honors.  You gonna rock