man the fucking internet makes me so fucking mad, which is probably not new information. Everybody got a fucking opinion about everydamnthing. (yeah, I know) I wanted to slit my fucking (what is that the fourth fuck of the post?) wrists wide open Monday morning. Fucking (5th) think pieces from colored people across the land that was POSED TA BE boycotting the Oscars. He made racism a joke! Aint nothing funny bout hanging from a tree! He aint takin up for Mexicans! He made an Asian joke! Thats’s racist! He came for a black woman! Dont come for Jada unless she sends for you! (can we all agree to retire that one?) I aint even watch five seconds of the fucking (6th and last, maybe) shit and I feel as if i know all the jokes, but none of the winners, which I dont care about CEPT BAE. BAE won, y’all. FINALLY. Please make me famous,so I can meet him and we can become The Guiness record holders for oldest parents. Ahem…WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, and WHY, Sway? Why everybody gotta dissect the hell out of the man’s monolouge? Why Tyrese black ass gotta have something to say? Shouldn’t he be busy telling Black women why they are habitually single and angry? If you qualified to tell me whats wrong with me, and lets be honest, that list is long, why aint you smart enough to UNDERSTAND A FUCKING (7th, I tried tho) JOKE. Exhausting. I aint even finna keep talmbout us talking bout us, cuz this morning, two days after the Oscars, I came across a great piece talking bout the others. On The Academy’s inherent exclusionary caucasity, Christopher Rock said, “It’s not the racist you’re accustomed to. Hollywood is sorority racist, like, ‘We like you, Rhonda, but you’re not a Kappa.” I would like to say I was gobsmacked….but, I wasn’t. Very little suprised me in a world where we holding mock slave auctions for high school students like it’s cool. But these lil heffas, here? Only thing suprising here is Stacey Dash isn’t a tweeting Kappa. So unaware. So smug. So stupid. Kappa Kappa Gamma must be the only Sorority in the World with Kappa in its name. Cuz white people are the only people in the world, if you look at the Academy Awards. As I always (twice) do, I check in with my fave and yours, Tone to see what’s got him tuned up on a Tuesday – turns out, his black ass watched the Oscars…maybe, but he def has an opinion on it. Tone? #OscarsSoWhite #OscarsBeenSoWhite #ChrisRockStillBlack Let me just say that I personally don’t watch the Oscars. IMO it has never been a show that offered anything that persons of color would enjoy. Unless you are heavily into obscure movies with subtitles that only made $14.00 worldwide at the Box office. So the recent #OscarsSoWhite furor confuses me because the show has always been the same. At any rate, the #OscarsSoWhite thing was something to crow about this year and who better than to preside over the festivities than everyone’s favorite on screen crackhead (apologies to Samuel L. Jackson) Chris Rock. Chris is a funny dude and his social and political satire is typically dead on. The whole #OscarsSoNotEbony “controversy” would surely give him plenty of ammo. It was enough to make me almost end my 40 year boycott of #OscarsSoAngloSaxon and check out his shtick. But alas, it was not to be. The Oscars come on the same day as #TheWalkingDeadSoWhite and at least there is a black zombie or 3 to cheer for or against depending upon whose side you are on in the zombie apocalypse. (that’s another article though) So I wake up the next day after my zombie fix and I see that Twitter is abuzz with reviews of Chris Rocks performance. Most people were generally complimentary but I saw some outrage about Chris monologue. So I went ahead and found video clips of what he said. I’m confused about what people are outraged about. He stated that Hollywood is racist and don’t do enough to promote diversity. Ummm, this is true. (I’m still mad that Booty Call didn’t get nominated back in the day personally). There were people upset that he used nearly the entire monologue to discuss #OscarsSoIvory. What else was he going to discuss?? The fact that ¾ of us have never or will never see most of the movies that win at the Oscars. They brought Chris in there because they knew he could capably navigate the subject and keep us entertained. Mission Accomplished. They were especially mad that he riffed on Jada Pinkett Smith and said she wasn’t even invited. I personally thought this was funny too. And true. Plus Jada didn’t need to come anyway because she needs to spend some more time at home with her kids helping them remember what gender they are. Well that’s all for now. Until the next time people are fake mad about something. Thanks for the memories Chris. Special shout to Clorox Bleach for their continued sponsorship of the Academy awards.
