Author name: zyansaeed615

Recaps

Powerful Thoughts 4.3

Three eps in and I think a clearer picture is starting to form. We got a number of questions answered and I learned why I should stop <redacting> during the show as I be NOT understanding some things….so this recap will have a correction or two, specifically as to what Dre is doing at Truth. When it Raina’s, it Pours Yall, our poor baby girl was going THRU it this ep.  For a character I’ve never spent much time worrying about, cept for her getting that singing gig in Annie over that other kid cuz bruh she really tugged at my heartstrings.  First she finds out about her father’s possible death by lethal injection.  Then New Kids on the Block runs up on her.  She’s worrying to death about her brother, who is a dick. Then she gets photo’d having an understandable breakdown. Face splashed all over the papers – for which she blames herself. Then, and always, her brother’s a dick.  I know I just said that, but it bears repeating cuz her brother is a dick. Invasion of the Fed Snatchers Man, them muthafuckas came thru and grabbed everybody.   Julio – snatched.  Dre – snatched.  Lakeisha – snatched.  The feds questioned the boys bout their ties to Jamie and Jamie’s ties to Tommy and the dope game.  But Angela had different plans for Keisha (or Kesh, how yall wanna spell it?).  This bitch wanna sit up and ask questions about Tasha and Jamie.  When they fuck?  How often they fuck?  What positions they fuck in?  Where they fuck?  Who be there when they fuck?  MA’AM, have a cold glass of water or hit the <redacted> and chill the hell out.  Sounding all jealous and shit – ‘cept she wasn’t.  Angela was asking all these personal questions about the St. Patrick’s because she wants to prove they weren’t living as man and wife, which would prevent Tasha from citing spousal privilege.  Not only content to break up this family, snatch Jamie’s freedom, torment his children, this bitch NOW is putting the pieces in place to put Tasha away as well. Terry Silver Cochran Esq. I do not like this niglet.  Proctor has brought on a highly successful black attorney with a rep for winning the unwinnable.  He should also have a rep as being an insufferable asshole cuz, ugh. He questions Proctor’s loyalty to our boys.  He lets Proctor know that he doesn’t believe Jamie’s innocence. He lets Jamie know knows what kind of man he is and levies all sorts of insults towards him, which left me gob smacked, cuz nigga, this nigga is PAYING YOU.  YOU WORK FOR HIM.  Stand down – then SAT DOWN in that 2nd chair.  He does earn a large amount of grace tho, when he finds the camera footage of Greg’s unauthorized and unlogged pulling over of Jamie, which we now know is how Greg got Jamie’s DNA under his fingernails.  Due to the fact that Jamie told Angie about the traffic stop who told Kim Tall Un, who decided NOT to even seek out the evidence, the DNA evidence is thrown out and we are one step closer to seeing our boy back in his tight suits. Inmate Nolte So nooooooooooooooooooow, we know who old boy is.  A Whitey Bulger type mobster sans the whole snitching thing.  Teresi is his actual name that I will never use again and he done conducted some intel on Jamie and knows that he is Ghost.  He ends up calling Jamie “Ghost” and says he’s gonna out him if Jamie doesn’t give $20k a week, which will go to fund his wife’s experimental cancer treatments.  I’m still not convinced he’s not related to Tommy in some way. Drug Game Meh.  Is anyone else not caring about any of this?  Biggest shipment in life coming. Julios a lil weird.  Drugs still being sold in Truth. Fin. Myalogy Minutes I’m loving the fuck out of whoever is directing these new episodes.  The cinematography and the shot selection is off the chain. Saxe:  I’m gonna fuck off.  Judge: Yeah, fuck right off. Speaking of the judge, I pray none of us will ever be before one, but if we are, I hope we are in front of a judge like this. Beecher’s new post-Oz bob hairstyle is not my ministry, but he’s my dude cuz his investigation into the real Fed mole is gonna help clear Jamie. Speaking of Beecher, what’s up with that Sandoval comma Miguel file with a pic that is not of Sandoval comma Miguel? Why does Sandoval look so regretful whenever someone discusses the type of man who would kill a Fed.  You don’t feel bad, fucka. Kantos wants immunity.  HA! I liked Tommy’s heart to heart with dickhead and how he agreed Ghost does lie a lot and he doesn’t trust him all the time. Saxe called him Julio “Jew-lio.”  Saxe is a treasure. TOMMY’s COATS!  Puts  Owhatshername Pope’s to shame. It’s Chinese ARITHMETIC, Tommy, not Algebra. “We both know when you want something, your family doesn’t matter.” BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRN. I find it interesting how both Jamie and Angie both said they wouldn’t confess to something they didn’t do.  There is a lot of mirrored dialogue in this show. “Julio was in with the feds longer than me!”  Shaddup, beeyotch. Riq Love:  I know, how?  But I loved him standing up for his sister and that he has Kanan robbing New Kid on the Block’s crib. CORRECTION:  So I thought Dre was scamming bottles in an effort to get that money for the Kanan crew.  I was corrected and told that he’s scamming bottles to cover the drug profits which makes waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more sense.  Thanks Edie. Whatchall think?

Recaps

Powerful Thoughts 4.2

Mea Culpa, Myalogists, the re-entry of summer and daydrinking  familial obligations is standing between us and greatness when it comes to timeliness on this here blog.  Now that we’ve gotten past the 4th falling in the middle of the week, sobriety normalcy shall ensue.  With my weak ass reasoning out the way, let’s get to it. Prison Blues                      Our hero fuckT yall.  But somehow his face isn’t after catching that fade from CO Darkness. Interesting.  He’s limpin, pissin blood and on the advice of his attorney, making calls to his Jamie St. Patrick Sect to make sure all his legitimate businesses are intact.  Also on the call list is Tasha, who he asks to visit him with his kids in tow.  Tasha agrees and talks to the kids about the importance of not saying nor doing anything dumb such as calling their dad Ghost.  Soon as she said that we all just KNEW that lil fuck Tariq was gonna do it, didn’t we?  Well the jokes on us kids! Tariq stood tall, kept his bitchassness in check and promised his dad he would be the man of the house and take care of his family, which includes lil baby who came down from the attic with Judy Winslow to visit her dad!  This whole conversation, or really Jamie’s whole prison experience has been happening under the watchful eye of not only the COs, but Inmate Nick Nolte, who had a scene with a dying wife, for some reason.  He keeps eyeing Jamie with a detached curiosity that half way thru the show, I was hoping we would get some clarity on, but alas kids…it was not to be.  Guess we will find out.  Soon after Proctor shows and tells Jamie they have his prints, deoxyribonucleic acid under Dead Agents nails and….and….and……lawd, and…..the feds are seeking the death penalty – a fate even worse than the inmate who found him pretty was trying to visit upon him.  When he find this out, he hits up his brother and says to him the same thing that Tommy says when he killed Holly: “help me.”  Sad face. Dre is the Man with a Plan Now that Planmaster J is locked up for the foreseeable future, Dre is the man with the plan.  A plan to talk to Karen EVERYDAY  to ingratiate himself to her case this whole nightclub impresario thing doesn’t work out.  A plan that includes robbing truth to pay to keep Tariq safe.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW we know how he’s gonna get #teamkanan their vim.  Nice.  Telling his mother and Tommy what’s going on could end all of this, but hey, it’s a TV show assholes, lighten up! Free as Hell if the Feds Watching Jamie’s gonna be free, not only cuz he’s the star of the show, but because this is the dumbest fed team EVER.  Agent Kim Tall Un is obsessed with beating Proctor, with whom he has a rivalry.  This will inevitably cause him to cut some corners he shouldn’t. Sandoval done ran up in Truth and planted the murder weapon in Jamie’s office, which is POSED TO BE on a different security circuit – the same one that allowed Jamie to see old boy creepin in his office. And last but not least these fucks are still letting Angela hang around.  She, who was sleeping with the victim and the accused, who found the prints, who arrested Jamie, who led the search on his crib, who is totally devastated that Jamie is looking at the death penalty.  Girl, aint enough wine glasses in the world to break to make up for what you did to this man, or should I say what his dick did to himself. But you know what Angela does have?  Super hearing, which allows her to hear thru a 25 inch glass door how her male associates are discussing the looseness of her walls.  What the Feds are smart enough to do is put a tail on Tommy who they wanna position as Ghost in an effort to not expose themselves and by extension, Angela.  What they are not smart enough to do is size up Tommy, who ditches his whip and gets a new car.  Tail who? Myalogy Minutes KESHA AND TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMY.  #knewit Speaking of Kesh, she shole was talking to Tasha more like an enemy that needed to be kept close instead of a friend. Disturbing to see Charlie Murphy talk about dying. #rip That Angie vs. Tasha scene was garbage. Let me find out Inmate Nolte is Tommy’s dad. Between JayZ and JamG, I hope you niggas realizing the importance of not straying. Shit happened with the drug game, but it was kinda meh.  Tommy ran over a nigga tho.  #boyfriend Baby Seal Eyes, Tommy?  What’s that?  Did I have them when I was a baby?  (you gotta know me to get that one!) Why is Tasha still letting Tariq out the house without at the VERY LEAST activating “find my iPhone” on his ass? So many props to Kesh for not only remembering but calling that muthafucka Tommy out bout letting his ol hoe come up in the St. Patrick Home and steal from Tasha. Whatchall Think?  

Recaps

Powerful Thoughts 4.1

  New Season, Same Lateness.  But I’se here.  Thank God.  I’se HERE! And so are all your faves, (YAY, Lakesha!) and some of your not so faves (Is Angela not dead yet?)  So for my faithful Myalogists, I was right in my vaguest review ever, which you can read here.  Wasn’t I?  You did want to cuntpunch Angie, didn’t you?  You WERE sad every time you saw Charlie Murphy, even though he was tormenting our hero, weren’t you? Ladies, Tasha did compel you to want to start a Shaunie Account, didn’t she?  I know, I know….let’s get to it though. Tommy Knows Best Don’t he though?  Tommy was The Man this episode, which continues to build on the theme that he’s always been the man, that lil Holly sitch notwithstanding.  He holds down Tasha in the face of Ghost’s arrest and Tariq’s fauxduction.  We find out he’s been keeping Keisha safe (in his bed, lol, but nah…they totally gonna fuck, right?).  He’s keeping the business side tight.  He secured a refund from Dean/Milan’s firm for Ghost’s bail.  Most importantly, he lets Dre know he’s watching him.  He knows that “Slim” shit is some bull and he aint having it. Tasha Madoff Y’all I’m worried for sis.  I’m worried she’s gonna end up shuffling around her mother’s house in Pine Valley refusing to take collect calls from her incarcerated husband  just like another well-heeled New York woman married to a man whose fall from grace made her fall even further.  To make a long story short, she ain’t got shit.  Once she learns Ghost is in jail – and that shithead son of hers is home safely – she begins a mad scramble to dig up bail money.  First stop is the bank to hit up the safe deposit box.  She found a letter, and open and it said she was a sucka.  Ok, ok.  But there WAS a letter, and it said you need to watch your front and your back.  Or that was the gist of it.  It was a letter from her doting husband, short and sweet – he’s sorry and he will put it back.  All the money was gone.  Burn.  She then tried to liquidate a trust, but the penalty would have been too high.  Resigned she opens Ghost’s overnight bag and finds the necklace Angie returned to him.  She later finds out from Jamie the necklace wouldn’t have been enough to make a dent in the 2 million Jamie (thinks he) needs to walk.  The look of defeat on her face is heartbreaking when she returns home to begin to straighten out her lavish home destroyed by fed agents led by Angie. 5th Graders, Are You Smarter Than An ADA? This bitch.  Now, Ill allow for the fact that you honestly believe the man you love(d) is responsible for killing another man you love(d), but GAT DAMN.  How damn dumb are you Angie?  You are a woman that is habitually played by EVERY.SINGLE.MAN you encounter.  Shit you play yourself!  How has it not dawned on you that you need to be as far away from this case as you can possibly get.  The victim was your man.  The suspect was your man.  You found the evidence that led to his arrest. You stormed this man’s house and definitely deserved that ass whupping Keisha offered to levy on dat ass.  QUESTION:  did you really open your mouth to ask this woman where her husband was sleeping?  IN DEY HOUSE?  Then, you had the unmitigated gall to think you should lead the prosecution.  You are the very definition of poisonous fruit.  BITCH. PLEASE. Every Guard is Crazy Bout An Orange Dressed Man Oh how the mighty have fallen.  Although he is no longer my fave, I hate to see Jamie in this mess.  As a person who has spent time in the penal system, I can honestly say that shit is no joke.  The sense of helplessness, the unending questions, the inability to see how it will all play out – those were the worst 37 hours of my life.  Fuck y’all’s judgment!!! 37 hours is an extreme amount of time.  But I’m sure it’s an even longer time for a man that is in lockup accused of killing a federal agent.  CO Darkness is not here for it.  Slapping trays out our man’s hands.  Talking shit to him.  And finally, once Jamie’s bail is denied AS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN, and he accepts his fate that he’s gonna be there for a while, Darkness and a pal show him whose house he is now living in.  The show ends with Jamie’s brutal beat down. Myalogy Minutes: Snaps for the director of this ep.  There were some really creative shots.  That zoom around when Angie and the Feds first enter Tasha’s house was my fave. Can someone explain Dre’s plan to me?  What’s his end game in working for both Ghost and Kanan?  Why is he paying $50k to keep Tariq safe?  I don’t get it.  I don’t get any of it. Speaking of Dre, why this fool think he got the ups on fine ass Julio in the organization?  That’s some Cam’ron Rocafella VP level arrogance right there. How did Angie get Jamie’s prints if he’s never been to jail? I love Tasha and Tommy’s interactions “St. Patrick!  Night Night” – that shit made me laugh.  Black Ass with all them big white teefus #RIPCHARLIE Angie:  He was sleeping in here?  Tasha: Yeah, I was scared he was gonna transfer bed bugs from your place. YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS TASHA. “You were fucking the defendant and the victim.  I think that’s a little bit compromised.”  Agent Saxe continues to be that dude. Every time Dre is on the screen, my girl said “That nigga gone die.”  Yall see him surviving the season?   Whatchall think?    

Recaps

Powerful Thoughts 4.0

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I’ve been quite neglectful of this space for a momentito.  Trying to get some ducks in a row; make a dollar out of fifteen cents; find an exit route from indenture servitude, and get a window seat, cuz adulting has been too real lately.   So real that when the homey Micaeh hit me up and asked me to attend a screening of the season premier of Power, I RSVP’d before she could send the next invite out.  Adulting threatened my being able to attend, which pissed me the hell off, but a hail mary gave me a last minute save and I was able to make it. So welcome Myalogists, to the most vague Powerful Thoughts you will ever read.  I will not spoil this for you because some of you know where I live and or work and I dont wanna have to kill any of you in self defense over a fucking tv show. I felt it was a really good solid premiere.  Probably a 9 out of 10.  The show we love is still in formation.  It picks up exactly where it left off. You will not find yourself sitting there asking “what happened to blank?” nor “who’s doing the thing that they was doing last season?” Which means: Ghost is in jail. Angela is still an insufferable bitch. Tariq is still missing. Tommy’s still cool as fuck. Julio is still fine. Tasha’s wig budget has not increased. <redacted> is <redacted> and is probably gonna <redacted> with <redacted> and I was very happy bout that. What I will say is this: You will want to cuntpunch Angela. You will be sad everytime you see CharlieMurphy on the screen. You will want to hug Tommy. You will want to laugh at Ghost til you remember that you used to love him before he had a fucking plan every five minutes. Tasha will make you want to get all of your financial affairs in order even if your mate got that bag. You will wonder why Angie aint on the show.  If you dont know who Angie is, your mother watched CBS soap operas and didn’t love herself. Thats all Im gonna say for now.  Ill be back with the recaps after the episode airs. Til then…..    

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MyMedialogy on WVON: Shea what? Shea Who?

Black women and y’all hair.  I swear. For the past week or so, there has been yet another controversy swirling around the value of black folks as consumers.  Not a new concept, right?  Nivea and Pepsi come to mind as recent offenders. But now a new contender has entered the fray – Shea Moisture.  Yes Shea Moisture, the lil beauty company that could.  The one that grew literally from a nut in a village in Sierra Leone to a multi-million dollar company, mostly on the backs of black women, who they JUST turned their backs on.  How you ask?  Well they released an ad where…well, look.   SheaMoisture is CANCELLED pic.twitter.com/T4Dru1JgAq — NANA JIBRIL ??️‍? (@girlswithtoys) April 24, 2017   Then, when one of the internet’s ashiest negroes, Hotep Master T aka Tariq Nasheed, wanted to insert himself, they did this.     And then when the black woman magic contingency of the internet, got hold of their smart devices, laptops and carrier pigeons and dragged Shea Moisture over every jagged surface they could find they were forced to do this:   “Wow, okay – so guys, listen, we really f-ed this one up. Please know that our intention was not – and would never be – to disrespect our community, and as such, we are pulling this piece immediately because it does not represent what we intended to communicate. You guys know that we have always stood for inclusion in beauty and have always fought for our community and given them credit for not just building our business but for shifting the beauty landscape. So, the feedback we are seeing here brings to light a very important point. While this campaign included several different videos showing different ethnicities and hair types to demonstrate the breadth and depth of each individual’s hair journey, we must absolutely ensure moving forward that our community is well-represented in each one so that the women who have led this movement never feel that their hair journey is minimized in any way. We are keenly aware of the journey that WOC face – and our work will continue to serve as the inspiration for work like the Perception Institute’s Good Hair Study/Implicit Association Test that suggests that a majority of people, regardless of race and gender, hold some bias towards women of color based on their textured or natural hair. So, you’re right. We are different – and we should know better.”   LOL.  Yall wanted to line up with Master Hotep then issue an apology.  MAN PLEASE.  Apology, Schmapology. Far be it from me to stay quiet…..so I dropped in WVON this morning to discuss the matter at hand with hosts Maze Jackson and Charles Thomas.  Check it. I pop in at bout the 35 minute mark.   Myalogists! You can find me on WVON 1690AM EVERY Thursday from 630a-7a!  Join the conversation

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Terrifying, Strange and Beautiful Women

Let me start this off by issuing the following disclaimer: I DO NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN ANY OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS.  I ONLY KNOW WHAT THEY SAID AND WHAT I SAW. This past weekend brought news that Janet Jackson and her kabillionaire husband were parting company after just over 5 years of marriage.  Janet, who I saw some dumb nword call “The New Halle”, had two previous failed marriages and seemed to have hit the literal and figurative jackpot.  She was an older woman now, more settled, armed with the knowledge that can only be gained through failed relationships and marrying a man who seemed to be equally yoked $$$$ to her- so what could go wrong? The same thing that goes wrong often when a woman of her stature finds herself in love.  The answer can be found in this excerpt from Warsan Shire: and you tried to change didn’t you? closed your mouth more tried to be softer prettier Now Ms. Jackson doesn’t need to get prettier, so don’t.  But she changed, for him.  She changed her religion.  She changed her dream of a lavish wedding. She changed her music.  She changed her outfits. This: Became this:   One could look at these pics, one where she is literally covered in chains, as just a by-product of a woman becoming a wife. Being more modest for her man? That’s totally understandable?  Him refusing to meet your friends and family?  Refusing to show any concern for her mother’s alleged abuse?  Rebuking all forms of your life prior to him? Not understandable at all. We see this form of abuse – and let’s be clear, isolating you and attempting to control your environment is abuse – way too often. Sometimes its under the guise of changing your clothing (Janet) Sometimes it’s sabotaging your career (Mary’s chicken slanging and sanging under the guidance of her husband-ger). Sometimes its the form of abuse we are most used to seeing (Mel B.’s bruises). Sometimes we characterize it as love, as concern, but it’s not. Last week, I was almost moved to tears – three times to be exact – over these conjoined themes of love, control and abuse.  Our Queen Mary was on the The Breakfast Club chronicling the decline of her marriage to that hairless ape, who also managed to manage her while keeping an eye out for his next banana.  (pettypology: I hate that dude.  I’ve always hated him, ever since he showed up in that first pic with MJB with not one, but two beepers on his Boach Celt and zero jobs of note) I had tears in my eyes listening to her say how he told her that he fans didn’t love her anymore. How he was quick to jump on her insecurities.  How the man that inspired her to write “Lady” dragged her through so much shit she contemplated suicide.  I wish we could blame him for her singing to Hillary, but she did that on her own. 13 Years. Mel B. is finally divorcing the man she should have never married once she found out that just because his last name was Belafonte, it did NOT mean Harry was his dad or any other relative for that matter.  This gem of a man got their nanny pregnant then forced her to have an abortion, allegedly blackmailed Mel into participating in threesomes, and regularly insulted her with the following names: “f***ing monkey”, “stupid”, “fat ugly and old”, “dumb” and  “derelict”.  He also viciously beat her to the point where she needed to be hospitalized, but he showed kindness sometimes. Sometimes the beatings could be covered with make up.  10 years. Celeste.  A fictional character on my most recent obsession Big Little Lies, who suffered through one of the most realistic portrayals of domestic abuse I’ve ever seen.  A woman who seemingly had the perfect life, great kids, handsome successful husband, most amazing home you have ever seen in your life, often found her self on the receiving end of her husband’s hands, because he feared one day she would “go right through him.”  He wasn’t satisfied that she gave up her career as a powerful attorney for him, that she moved away from family and friends for him, that she became a mother for him – his fear still ruled him and unfortunately her.  She tried to become less.  But it would never be enough for someone that saw her as “too much.” At least 8 years. Too much. She had too many friends.  She was too “popular.”  She went out too much.  She was too smart.  Her heels were too high.  She was too pretty. She spent too much time with her family.  She was too visible on social media.  She was too good to be true. She was too much. Thank God, I just didn’t lose as much time as my sisters up there. Ladies, it’s important to remember that in love, sacrifices will be made.  The sacrifices won’t be lowered esteem, bruises nor suicide attempts.  The right man won’t want, nor need you to play small.  You will never be too much for him. you are terrifying and strange and beautiful something not everyone knows how to love.

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Sorry You Are Sorry

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Gee and I got into a brief debate after The World’s Dumbest Brain Surgeon (WDBS) called slaves “immigrants.”  Gee felt that an apology should be forthcoming (it was).  I felt that WDBS should cock open his mouth so I could take a shit on him and his apology.  I’m a firm believer in people not apologizing for how they honestly feel in their hearts of heart. Stand on your word, so I can know where I stand with you. There are things you should apologize for; stepping on someone’s foot; smoking the last of their good good; throwing scalding hot water on your youngest cousin as he bathes after he does the same to you, only with cold water.  (Im still sorry bout that, Bran) But society seems to thrive on the type of apology WDBS issued, something insincere and unnecessary.  Does he know slaves weren’t happy immigrants?  Probably.  Even being one of the worlds dumbest brain surgeons, I gotta believe he found time to get in one history class.  Did he still say it? Absolutely. Which is why his apology is baseless, unwarranted and not accepted – at least not by me. This comes to mind today as my tribe was given the biggest unwanted assed apologies from folks that should know better, and I’m not even sure whose was worst. By now you have heard or seen that heinous ad small letter p-epsi put forth for the world to see, starring  Becky Du Jour, Kendall Jenner.  If not allow me to recap.  KJ or whatever superhero she is playing in this commercial is shooting an ad (yes inside of this ad).  She is donning a blonde wig and the reddest of lips.  Suddenly a protest march passes by her shoot.  A young ethnically ambiguous man gives her the come hither nod, so she whips off that wig and wipes off that lipstick, finds the fugliest mixed media denim suit she can find and joins the fun! She sashays her non Kardashian sized ass thru the crowd, being photographed by a smiling progressive Muslim lady with a nose ring, when some kind soul hands her a blue can.  She smiles broadly as she walks up to the police line.  She offers the can to Generic Brown Officer, he nods, shrugs and accepts it. She returns to the cheering crown triumphant that she has now solved racism.  Man please.  This fuckin commerical is wrong on so many levels, I barely know where to start.  Oh wait, thats a lie…the fact that it seems to be a play on the iconic photograph of Ieshia Evans, a black woman standing strong in the face of the police while protesting YET ANOTHER murder by cop in Baton Rouge, LA.   Predictably and understandably, my tribe was not pleased.  And because we are the driving force behind twitter, we let that shit be known.  You know who aint give a fuck?  Small letter p-epsi.  They released a statement to the almighty Teen Vogue that read:  “The creative showcases a moment of unity, and a point where multiple storylines converge in the final advert. It depicts various groups of people embracing a spontaneous moment, and showcasing Pepsi’s brand rallying cry to ‘Live For Now,’ in an exploration of what that truly means to live life unbounded, unfiltered and uninhibited.” They then doubled down on that with a statement to Ad Week that read: “This is a global ad that reflects people from different walks of life coming together in a spirit of harmony, and we think that’s an important message to convey.”  Which translates to:  Hey Blackies!  You’re feelings hurt?  Your bad.  Stop making everything about you. Barf. But no fear, I guess the same white liberals that now wear pink hats and the men that love them, must have found some gluten in small letter p, because the outcry was finally heard, and they released yet another statement saying: “Pepsi was trying to project a global message of unity, peace and understanding. Clearly we missed the mark, and we apologize. We did not intend to make light of any serious issue. We are removing the content and halting any further rollout. We also apologize for putting Kendall Jenner in this position.” Now, what now? I see yall’s weak ass blink-and-miss it apology to me and my community, but wayment.  Y’all apologizing to Kendall Jenner?  A young white woman who knew the subject matter. A young white woman who filmed the commercial?  A young white woman who got paid for it?  A young white woman who I ASSumed has not suffered the type of loss that will send one out into the streets in protest?  Okay.  Fine.  Promise I’m good with that, because when it was just my old black feelings that got hurt, it was still okay. You know the one company that was likely VERY happy about all this?  Nivea?  Yep, that shit your mama slathered you in when the petroleum jelly ran out.  That shit whose smell is likely permanently seared into your nasal passages – the one that evokes hospitals and white rubber shoes. What they do you ask?  Well……not to be outdone by small letter p, they released the most ridiculous ad you have seen since the last one. Exhibit A: WHITE. IS. PURITY. I mean I know Nivea is a German company, but damn.  This is whiteness on a WHOLE other level.  No Vaseline level fuckery. What in the stankin fuck is going on in ad agencies right now?  My career in PR and Advertising is long behind me, but there’s no way I’m accepting the fact that ANY ONE, thought this was a good idea.  What ever happened to focus groups?  I’ll make the same assertion about these ad execs as I do Trump voters, ya either racist or ignorant or both.  White is purity, yall?  Really?  I mean I know the law enforcement agencies have been infiltrated by white racists, and I been knew that

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MyMedialogy: Work, Black Women!

Ooooh y’all.  They tried it.  Twice in one day and then once on the next.  I mean they try it every single day, but since Porangetus took office, seems like they are more emboldened than before.  They try it in meetings.  They try it when you show up with a new hairstyle. They try it when you come with a great idea they want credit for.  They try it when they walk in your business and ask if they can speak to the owner instead of asking if you ARE the owner. Bill tried Auntie Maxine….but all the kids know that next to spellchecking someone in a text battle, coming for their physicality is the laziest of reads. Lil Shawn Spicer, the mad press secretary, tried April, but she was there to do work and paid his ass the appropriate amount of dust. I guess she knows like we do…she was there way before him and she will be in that room way after him. What I didn’t get to address in this weeks commentary, was how the one-term congressman dead beat dad Joe Walsh tried to try Angela Rye, Barack Obama, and ever other hard working black person in history who has done more with less and to make less than his MAGA ass ever has. Maybe, Ill fit that in in a future rant….      

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DjangNO: Not Another Slave Story

Let’s imagine, shall we…. That we are: an Academy Award winning screenwriter a Golden Globe nominated director creator of a critical darling unwitting participant in one of the biggest flubs in Oscar history recipient of a bounty of goodwill due to the aforementioned flub a black man that took on a topic that can be uncomfortable and made it into a thing of beauty You are pretty much able to write your own ticket at this point in LaLaland – mega superduper pun intended.  You begin to mull over your next project and you select: SLAVERY. Yes.  Barry Jenkins’s next project is a one hour series based on “The Underground Railroad”, the acclaimed Colson Whitehead novel of the same title.  I could go on to explain the subject of the show, but Im too fucking over it to do so.   I’ll just get to griping.  First, WGN America already has beloved show about the exact same thing.  I’ll stop there. Now I know…one of you is sitting there reading this, dismissing me and thinking to yourself all the trite shit people say when it comes to slave stories. “It’s a must see.” “This story needs to be told.” “If we dont know where we been, blah blah the fuckity fuck fuck blah” Listen, I know what “they” are doing, with the “immigrant” talk, with the “slaves were well fed and happy” fuckshit, with the “sally and thomas had an affair” gobbledegook.  But the fact is, we know what happened.  That’s our conversation to have with our children, to ensure they know their history, cuz its OUR HISTORY.  No one else cares.  We know the names Toby, Nat, Chicken George, Toussaint, Harriet and Sojourner. Mention them to some of your other friends and watch the look on their faces. Others have just been introduced to Frederick and I guess they are happy to know that he’s done a great job. Jesus wept. I for one am good on the stories of our suffering, especially when there are great stories of triumph to be made – and that people will pay to see. Hidden Figures proved that.  Our history didn’t start or stop on Juneteenth.  With that being a solid indisputable fact, some stories I’d like to see told. How CJ Walker built a beauty empire Tulsa, Black Wall Street Dr. Carver manipulating the hell out of that peanut The Genesis of <insert your fave BGLO> (but only 5 out of the 9 matter – LMAO, fight yourselves) Timbuktu How Hiram Revels or Blanche Bruce were Barack before Barack was Barack The founding of Cheyney University or Lincoln University, the oldest HBCU, depending on who you ask. That’s just off the top of my head.  What are some stories that you would like to see told?  Hit them comments. Oh wait…Im lying yall.  There is one more slave story I’m eager to see……Forty Acres by Dwayne Alexander Smith, which you should read if you haven’t.  A young successful black man is taken under the wings of some older more successful black men and invited along to their exclusive club where the “staff” does NOT look like the staff’s of most members only clubs.  That’s all I’ll slave.  Awwwwww fuck it…the jig is up, the post is bout slaves.  Yall know where im going.  These black men done started a plantation with white slaves!  YES. PLEASE.   If GET OUT worried them, wait til they get a load of Becky in leg irons! When it drops you can find me and my popcorn, reese’s pieces and water center last row.    

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Dear Mr. Dickpic

On Saturday, I found myself sitting in an impossibly large home, artfully decorated, adulting and celebrating the birth of an impossibly large personality in an artfully decorated Asian outfit.  While sipping something I can’t pronounce out of a glass I likely could NOT afford, my phone buzzed.  It was from LongTimeMaleFriend™.  I smiled.  This my boy y’all.  We only see each other a couple times a year, but it’s always a good time when we do.  Nothing physical – nothing has ever been physical between us – just a good solid friend. So imagine my surprise when I open the text and see: “I just realized, I forgot to send you a Christmas card lol.” I open the attachment and see:   The unwrapped version. Sigh……… I looked at that pic with such a mix of bewilderment and disappointment.  A flurry of questions.  Did he mean to send this to me?  Why would he send this to me?  Shouldn’t he be sending this to his girl?  Shouldn’t he not be sending this to anyone since everyone knows he has a girl? What does he expect my response to be?  Doesn’t he know I’m the WRONG one to do this to?  Why would he mortgage our friendship over some fuckshit like this? The utter disgust (ouch) I felt upon seeing this picture must have registered across my face cuz my girl gave me the what’s wrong face.  I showed her my phone, and she gave me a knowing sad headnod.  The party grew to a feverish pitch….as did my indignation. Because women are socialized the way that we are; we sometimes inexplicably sympathize or empathize with our oppressors/abusers.  My bad attitude and biting wit notwithstanding, I guess that meek girl still resides somewhere deep inside, unearthed at times when she is most definitely NOT welcomed.  I text messaged him the next morning and let him off the hook.   Blah blah, you musta been drunk, blah blah, don’t do this again, blah blah we better than this.  His response to my forgiving nature? Your (sic) right…drunk, lonely and tired.  Um…….. I’m sorry, but WHERE’s THE FUCKING SORRY?  THE SINCERE FUCKING APOLOGY? THE NOW SOBER MEA CULPA?  Not coming?  Fine. This open letter and scathing phone call I will make later today will have to suffice. Dear Mr. Dickpic-cer, Did I spell your name correctly? I hope so.  I don’t type it that often, cuz I’m generally a well received and respected person.  This means I don’t often have to address an issue such as this.  I digress….I’m not sure what you were thinking as you decided to not only take, but SEND that picture to me and to be quite honest, I really don’t give a fuck.  This is about me……and every other woman who gets assaulted in this way.  I know you have a dick, I saw it in the picture you sent to my phone – so I’m pretty sure you don’t know what it feels like to be a woman and have a nigga’s manhood impressed upon you figuratively and literally your entire life.  When I opened that pic, I was immediately transported to being catcalled by grown ass men as pre-teen Mya and her friends made their way home from their latest excursion to procure the finest penny candy one can buy from the store on Halsted.  Or that time I was 14, a freshie on the way to high school, and had a grown assed man expose himself to me and everyone else on the CTA.  Or that time a male co-worker invited me to lunch, then drove me down to Lower Wacker and told me how badly he needed me to touch it.  Or maybe it made me recall the time my friend showed up on my doorstep, at the tender age of 12, not quite sure why her panties were ripped when she woke up from a party where a lecherous older brother presided over a sleepover.  Or the time my other friend told me how her mom’s boyfriend used to slip into bed with her at night sometimes just to hold her.  I can almost see your thoughts as you read this.  Thinking I’m being dramatic – comparing your simple picture to rape and molestation.  But again,  I don’t give a FUCK what you think.  Just like you didn’t give a fuck about where I may have been when I got that message.  Just like you didn’t give a fuck about the fact that I felt safe opening it as I would never in a million years think you would send me something like that. Just like you didn’t give a fuck whether the man I’m seeing and trying to establish something with may have seen it and doubted the sincerity of my efforts.  Just like you didn’t give a fuck whether this would have totally torpedoed my evening. Maybe it wasn’t that you didn’t give a fuck, maybe you are just what I like to call my best male friends often – ” a dumb ass man”, just a clueless fucking man.  That’s the side I wanna err on, because I believe truly in my heart that you are better than this.  You have always been better than this…a consummate gentleman. Always respectful.  Always kind.  Always generous.  So much in fact, that this recent action  confused me so much that I made this alright for you.  I made excuses and conjured reasons why you may have done this, but it’s not alright.  Don’t do this again….to anyone other than a woman with whom you are in a sexual relationship.  There is not a woman – that I know of – and I know plenty, who has ever expressed to me that she enjoyed an unsoliticited dickpic – NOT ONE.   And to my fellas, whose heart rates are returning to normal, RELIEVED at the fact that you aren’t the subject of this post, move with caution. Mr. Dickpic-cer, aint the only one,

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